How quickly the years pass by..

The time flew by .

We've all said this before. And it's true . Time has passed and life has moved on.  It's been over five years since I sat and wrote to you . Five years is a long time for change to take hold . For change to sculpt a life. So,  sit down an catch up as I let my fingers mold my sculpture for you.

Five years , 4 sons , a husband , a father ,  two mothers , a stepmother , 4 sisters and a brother .  Two sister in laws , two brother in laws , nieces, nephews , friends and loved ones . Where do I start ? How do start?

So many have asked me : why did you stop blogging  ? Where's the updating? Initially I stopped because, well I was happy . I was content . I'd found my rainbow , that moment in life in which the sky is blue after the rainstorm.  Is that strange to you ? I've always been better at pouring these typed words on the screen as I'm anxious or feeling down. Happiness is not my inspiration . Odd ? I don't know, I just know my soul seeps words and thoughts as I struggle through life . 

Now , this isn't to say that I can't rejoice in the sunshine of life . I can and I do . I will. I have. I have much to be thankful for . My family, my friends , my work are just a few . You will see me write  of these aspects that fill me with a pride that bursts like a balloon that is too full . Honestly though? When I'm at my best in telling you my story it's because  im raw.  I'm open in a way that you won't get if you speak to me . 

So what about those years you say ? Let me start with those closest to my heart.

 I've had the pleasure of watching my oldest son Thomas ( now 27) grow into a fine young man . He is quiet , dependable and hard working . He's shy , and kind. He struggled in school but he's excelling in his work. I hope he meets a sweet girl who loves his silly , nutty side .   I'm proud of him. I should tell him more . I will tell him more . 

I've watched son number two, Tony (22), graduate high school , graduate college , and find his first full time job. He is excellent at managing money. He did not get this from me. Or maybe he did get this from watching me make mistakes ? He's kind. He's in love. Oh , he's in love like I was with his father. He sees the beauty in his girl . The inside , deep down beauty of a woman that all women want from their men. This I gave to him . This is a gift I know  I gave  him. 

Two years ago my third son Nicholas (19)graduated high school. He did not enter college . He's working full time and is well liked . He's got a personality that is charming . He's handsome . So incredibly so. He makes me laugh ! He's quick with his temper . He's smart , politically so. Even if you don't agree with his conservative thoughts you will appreciate how well versed he is. He is the fighter of the underdog . He is much like his father . So many  times they can't see eye to eye but I know with a mother's intuition it's just because they are much alike . He works hard . I don't want him to have to work so hard .  I also don't want him to make our mistakes . I know without a doubt he will find his path. I always have .

This is the big year for my fourth and last son Jarett (17). Graduation looms . It is a good second half of the school year for my baby, my sweet child . He has overcome a struggle . The injury he suffered in 2015 would halt his high school athletic career and test him . He'd have to see he is more than a basketball player , a baseball player , an athlete. He's a fine young man who can put a smile on my face even on my darkest of days . He makes me laugh. We sing all the time in the car at the top of our lungs . We both love music . We both believe music is an integral part of life. He's in love . It's his first real love. It's sweet to watch him with her . They are best friends . He's learning well what love entails. I dread the day his heart breaks as it invariably will. He was so unexpected in my life.  My goodness though , who would I be without him?

And last but not least , my husband . My best friend . My best ally. We've been through the depths of what felt like hell my friends. We lost our shell. Our home . But you know what ? We stuck together. I don't know if a couple that wasn't as bonded as we were could have made it . I don't say that braggingly . I just know it's true . We struggle to make our way but we never struggle with each other any longer . We are at that sweet spot in marriage where I know without doubt when I look to my side he's there . He's been so strong at times and at others it was me that found a strength I didn't know I had . We are still standing and taking baby steps toward the next adventure. 

Stay tuned for more