Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Its been a long update of my growing family

Well, my blogging effort has not been up to par of late.  With the holidays and the business of being with family and loved ones- well it hasn't been my top priority. 

Life is streaming along-  well I should say skating along- with all of this winter weather that we are getting here in CT.  Its been many days at home with the kids out of school and nowork for me.  I am actually craving my normal routine!

Last night I was lying in bed thinking of these last few months.  My family has evolved in so many way.  My father is an integral part of my life.  We speak once every week or so, and of course there are emails and facebook posts.  But beyond how often I talk with him its really how much he occupies my life in my thoughts, memories and daydreams.  I'm so thrilled to have him!  I drifted off to sleep thinking of how lucky I am.  To essentially have THREE families (my favorite number, so off topic I know!) to love and be loved by!  Wow, really- wow!  My last thoughts last night, as I had a fantastic and peaceful nights sleep like i haven't in so long, were that I have these three wonderful and different facets in my life.  God, I feel so lucky. 

I spent so many moments in the early days of meeting my father trying to nit pick the resemblances.  Do I have his eyes- YES!  Do I think I have his nose-  I think so!  Now I think of the other similarities, things you can't see.  We have common traits.  I find myself thinking of him and smiling.  I like being a little bit OF him. I love it actually!  Of course the same is true for my sisters.  As in the early days of meeting Jesi and Heather with my Mom- it can be truly amazing to see natural traits show in siblings who have never  met before.  It does not get past me that my sister is a dental hygienist like me.  That we graduated in the same year.  That all of my sisters, except one, were teen moms like me. Oh, there are so many others I could mention! Is this just a coincidence?? I just cant believe that it is.

On another note.  I'm thinking of my impending jaunt to Northern Maine to see my mom Pat.  I haven't seen in her in close to four years.  Every time I think of this trip my heart beats a little quicker.  She is one of the most important people in my world and its been too long.  Really- this bond between us is something special -even beyond mother and daughter.  Its something that makes my relationship with her different than maybe even her relationships with my sisters. I'm not saying she loves me more or less.  (of course its more! hahaha)  I'm saying she loves me with a different kind of love.  For me, with her, its the same.  We share more than a parent and child bond.  She is my mother, but she is also in my eyes my protector, my living guardian angel of sorts.  She forever is my hero. 

I have tried for many years to imagine the days and months my mother had with me before I was born.  I have tried to put myself in those shoes she walked in.  It wasn't hard to picture.  I had my first son at almost 17- so close in age to what  my mom was when she had me .  I've tried to imagine her strength.  I admire my mother because I know she sacrificed herself for me.  Isn't that what we as parents always say we would do?  Give ourselves, our own lives, for our children?  As a child we hear our parents say these things.  I didn't hear it from her.  I LIVED it from her. My only wish was that she could have known in all the years that we were apart, that I loved her.  That I always knew she loved me unconditionally.  For that she can thank my parents. 

I'm off track.  What I was really thinking of last night was that since I met my father, I feel closer to my mother.  I can see the two halves of me now.  I am more complete than I was before.  I drifted off to bed last night smiling.  Truly happy for the turn of events that began last June.  As a woman of almost 38 <> its amazing how much you need your parents. 

Good thing I have two sets of them!

Me at age 3- I guess there is always a little person in us when dealing with our parents!