Two weeks. It's not an extraordinary amount of time. Unless or course you are waiting for something or someone special. I remember waiting the last two weeks before my wedding. Excitement was in the air! Or, how about those weeks before your babies are born. That can feel like forever!!
In two weeks Tony and I will board a plane for a four day weekend by ourselves. Just him and I! Oh , I love my kids, believe me... but I can't wait to have some time for just the two of us. If it was just for the fact of our weekend alone it would be one thing. Add in the excitement of meeting with my newest family members and the time stretches on forever.
In two weeks I will have four days with my father. Four more days that I can learn about him and what he has been doing for the last 37 years. It's not a lot of time for sure, but those four days that are coming to me this October mean the world to me. Imagine if you can the emotions that I feel! The nervousness of our first meeting has subsided. Our second meeting, well it was all too fast. Our third meeting- wonderful!! That was the first visit I had with him that I knew I was his daughter (officially from the DNA). We could both relax and put the thought of "what ifs" away. Now, I get to spend four days enjoying him without the pressure.
I've come so far since I first emailed him back in June. I've come to accept the fact that I can love him as my father without it being a betrayal to my Dad who has since passed on. Or, that I am somehow slighting my mothers (both of them!) whom I love so much. I have let go of all the guilt I've felt about allowing him that spot in my heart. If you've lost someone you love, you know that it leaves an aching hole in your gut. Its been 5 1/2 years since I lost my father. I think he'd be happy for me that the gap is closing.
A few weeks ago at the end of a particularly great conversation I had with him on the phone, he said I love you. I said it right back to him without hesitation. I hung up the phone and tears ran down my cheeks for the next half hour. I was caught off guard by my emotions and said what was in my heart without thought. I cried at the realization of the truth- I do love him. It's been a long time since I've had a father to say I love you. I'm blessed that I can hear those words again.
So, my 37th year has been a year of growing in so many ways. My family is growing to great extents!! My heart is bursting with love and joy! I can't thank Brent- I mean my father, enough for opening his heart and world to me. I guess you're never to old for your parents...