***~*~*** My 38th Birthday of Firsts ***~*~***

Ahhhh, another year passes by.  It seems they go much faster as there are more birthday candles placed on my cake.  It has been a wonderful year for me in many ways and every holiday and event that has passed since June has been a first for me.

My 38th birthday was a 1st birthday for me too!  My first birthday with two more sisters and a brother.  My first birthday knowing my father.  My first birthday in six years where the sadness of missing my father has not been the overwhelming emotion that I've felt. My first birthday where my family is complete.

This year I received beautiful birthday wishes from people I love dearly.  It is an odd feeling realizing that these very important people were not always in my life.  Odd because I cannot now think of the words "my family" without seeing their faces. 

So, for this year, I chose not to have birthday candles on my cake (and thanks to Tony for the yummy peanut butter  blizzard ice cream cake!) .  I think most of my birthday wishes already came true. They only thing I can wish for is more time with my 4 sisters, brother, mothers, and father.

I have to thank my mother, once again, who I hold in high esteem, for the love and encouragement through this whole journey. I cannot say enough about how much I admire her strength and courage.  For me the year was full of joy, and although it must have been difficult at times for her, she has been nothing but supportive for me.

Here's to being 38!

March- The month so long ago that changed my life forever..A little about my oldest son Tom

Tommy, just a few months old - 1990

March is a busy month for me.  A joyfully busy month!  First I celebrated my mothers 69th birthday!  Oh how I wish my Dad could be here with her.  I'm thankful for each year we recieve with my mother. The boys have been lucky to have their grandmother be such an integral part of their childhood. 

 Next up is my oldest son Tom's birthday.  It is his 21st birthday!  It is a day which when he was small and life was so challenging I thought would never come!  It is a day of happiness and sorrow all mixed in one for me.  Happiness that Tommy and I made our way through life when life was not easy.  That I as a teenaged mother was able to raise a son that is good, honest and thoughtful.  That he -in addition to being my child- has also been a major catalyst in my life.  It was he who drove me as an 18 year old mom to do well in college and succeed. It was Tommy who first showed me  a mother loves her child more than she expects and she can explain to her child.  It was Tommy who taught his mother so many lessons, as I hope I have now passed on to him.



2010 Tom age 20, me age 37



So, as his 21st birthday approaches next wednesday March 9th, I will remember the first time I held him.  He and I are just 3 weeks shy of being 17 years apart.  That day I first saw my son my teenage years may have been over, but truly my life had just begun.  It was not a road paved of gold that lay ahead, but mixed with bumps and turns and twists.  It was Tom and I growing up together in some ways.  It was difficult, challenging but at the same time rewarding and life altering.  I thank him for that gift that he gave me.

When life was challenging I dreamed of the days when my duties as a mom would diminish.  When days were hard trying to be mommy, wife, daughter, student, employee, and friend, I would think of the days when things would be easier.  Truthfully, things are easier when our children reach adulthood in the some ways.  We no longer have to worry about simple daily  chores such as homework, bathtime, etc.  But I can tell you the worry  never ends!  You still want the best for your child, even when your child is an adult.  The hopes, dreams and fears stay with a mother forever.

Tommy is my first great blessing.  Luckily for me,  some years later I would be additionally blessed with my husband and 3 more sons.  My husband has been a second father for Tom.  He has been there to do all the hard work with me.  To set rules and boundaries and enforce them.  He has been with Tommy since Tommy was 3 years old.  If you ask Tom, I'm sure he cannot remember a time before Tony came into our lives.  We were lucky to find him.  I know this always.

age 6 months

So , this birthday will be bitter sweet to me.  I'm proud of my son.  I can not believe he is 21 years old this month.  It is surreal to me!  I think of myself at his age and our lives could not be more different.  I can honestly tell you the years have gone by far too quickly.  I remember every adult telling me how fast time would fly. You don't believe it until it happens to you.

I am so thankful for my mother and father who did everything they could financially and emotionally for myself and Tom.  If it were not for them and for my dear Aunt Carolyn helping me to take care of Tommy, I would have never made it through college.  I was so lucky to have such a caring family help me to take care of Tom while I was in school or work.   Not just Tom, but my other sons later on also!

Happy 21st Birthday to Tom!! Mom loves you!!



Tommy and I at his high school graduation
Tommy age 19, me age 36 June 2009



Its been a long time..an update of my growing family

Well, my blogging effort has not been up to par of late.  With the holidays and the business of being with family and loved ones- well it hasn't been my top priority. 

Life is streaming along-  well I should say skating along- with all of this winter weather that we are getting here in CT.  Its been many days at home with the kids out of school and nowork for me.  I am actually craving my normal routine!

Last night I was lying in bed thinking of these last few months.  My family has evolved in so many way.  My father is an integral part of my life.  We speak once every week or so, and of course there are emails and facebook posts.  But beyond how often I talk with him its really how much he occupies my life in my thoughts, memories and daydreams.  I'm so thrilled to have him!  I drifted off to sleep thinking of how lucky I am.  To essentially have THREE families (my favorite number, so off topic I know!) to love and be loved by!  Wow, really- wow!  My last thoughts last night, as I had a fantastic and peaceful nights sleep like i haven't in so long, were that I have these three wonderful and different facets in my life.  God, I feel so lucky. 

I spent so many moments in the early days of meeting my father trying to nit pick the resemblances.  Do I have his eyes- YES!  Do I think I have his nose-  I think so!  Now I think of the other similarities, things you can't see.  We have common traits.  I find myself thinking of him and smiling.  I like being a little bit OF him. I love it actually!  Of course the same is true for my sisters.  As in the early days of meeting Jesi and Heather with my Mom- it can be truly amazing to see natural traits show in siblings who have never  met before.  It does not get past me that my sister is a dental hygienist like me.  That we graduated in the same year.  That all of my sisters, except one, were teen moms like me. Oh, there are so many others I could mention! Is this just a coincidence?? I just cant believe that it is.

On another note.  I'm thinking of my impending jaunt to Northern Maine to see my mom Pat.  I haven't seen in her in close to four years.  Every time I think of this trip my heart beats a little quicker.  She is one of the most important people in my world and its been too long.  Really- this bond between us is something special -even beyond mother and daughter.  Its something that makes my relationship with her different than maybe even her relationships with my sisters. I'm not saying she loves me more or less.  (of course its more! hahaha)  I'm saying she loves me with a different kind of love.  For me, with her, its the same.  We share more than a parent and child bond.  She is my mother, but she is also in my eyes my protector, my living guardian angel of sorts.  She forever is my hero. 

I have tried for many years to imagine the days and months my mother had with me before I was born.  I have tried to put myself in those shoes she walked in.  It wasn't hard to picture.  I had my first son at almost 17- so close in age to what  my mom was when she had me .  I've tried to imagine her strength.  I admire my mother because I know she sacrificed herself for me.  Isn't that what we as parents always say we would do?  Give ourselves, our own lives, for our children?  As a child we hear our parents say these things.  I didn't hear it from her.  I LIVED it from her. My only wish was that she could have known in all the years that we were apart, that I loved her.  That I always knew she loved me unconditionally.  For that she can thank my parents. 

I'm off track.  What I was really thinking of last night was that since I met my father, I feel closer to my mother.  I can see the two halves of me now.  I am more complete than I was before.  I drifted off to bed last night smiling.  Truly happy for the turn of events that began last June.  As a woman of almost 38 <> its amazing how much you need your parents. 

Good thing I have two sets of them!

Me at age 3- I guess there is always a little person in us when dealing with our parents!

Dreaming of Georgia once again

                                                        Savannah Georgia, I am hooked!

What have you done to my mind?  I can't stop thinking about how beautiful, warm and inviting you are!  I am constantly calculating and conniving ways to get back to you. 

 I fell in love with your artsy vibe and lovely southern drawl. The old brick buildings with wrought iron furnishing's.  The brick streets and walkways with telltale signs of the past. 

      The people I met in shops, restaurants, and bars were   so sweet and helpful.  The sun was warm and shining.  I must get there again..ahhhh. Savannah, the most haunted city in the United States is truly haunting me!!!

Add to that loveliness my Dad, Marty and sweet Diana and how could I not want to return?? How could I not want to escape into the happiness I felt back in October?  Will I ever be able to replicate the true joy I felt at that visit?  I thinks so, I hope so.  I'm willing to find out.

I've looked at houses online, dreaming and scheming.  I've driven Tony crazy with my thoughts.  I'm hooked.  It only took 4 days and I'm hooked!  Now to work on my dear Teisha and see if she will find some time to fly down once again with me.

For now, Savannah will have to remain on my brain, in my heart and in my dreams.  At least it won't be lonely.  It shares that special spot with my Dad.   

Thanksgiving- so appropriate

Today was Thanksgiving.  Something I have been thinking about for the last few months was how thankful I am.  I'm going to make this short and sweet tonight!

I'm thankful first and foremost for my family. My husband who means so much to me, my four great sons, and my mom.

I'm thankful for my mother Pat, my sisters Jesi and Heather, nieces, nephews, great newphew and stepsister Becca and Steven who makes my mom so happy.

I'm thankful for my father Brent, my sisters Teisha and Heidi, my brother Marty, my nephews and nieces, and Diana who has opened her heart to me.

I'm thankful for Tony's family especially Debbie and Tom who gave me the wonderful gift of Auntie this year to sweet little Andrew.

I am thankful for my friends who are really more family to me than some of my own family. I love you for encouraging me on my jouney and supporting me.

What's in a name? and other strange thoughts of a sleep deprived blogger

So I was thinking about names and coincidences and all sorts of things that are random and not related. This is what I came up with.

• As I mentioned earlier I had an epiphany when I was age 12 and just knew my mother's name was Patricia.
  

• When I talked to my mother for the first time she asked my full name. It's Jodi Joy. I learned from her that my sister Heather's middle name is Joy and my mom said she changed it somewhat at the last moment.

• My mom (Irene) thank God did not name me this, but thought about Micky (really mom, Micky??) Jo as my name. I meet sister no. 4 and her middle name is Jo. I've also been referred to as Jo Jo by a few in the past and one in the present.

• My best friend growing up , who I still to this day say is my very first SISTER - well her name is Jessica. I have a sister named Jesika too!

• Teisha- well I haven't found the name connection yet but give me a chance and maybe I will haha.

Is your name really reflective of who you are? I've had two names. One my mom Pat gave me, one my mom and dad gave me. Would I be different if I wasn't Jodi Joy?

I had no middle name on my original birth certificate. I asked Pat about this and she didn't remember. I know I LOVE names, so I'm glad I have a middle name for sure. I need to ask my mom why she named me what she did (another strange name if you ask me, sorry Mom!) but, hey it was the 70's !!

Anyways, this is a rambling blog post about strange thoughts that I had this morning at 1:30 when I couldn't sleep.

Peace and Pieces

My family is not perfect, but its perfectly compete now that I've found the missing pieces. I never realized until I found my mother and father, sisters, brother, stepbrother, stepsister, nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins (I could go on!!) how much I needed them. I was happy being adopted as a kid. I never felt any different with my family. My mom was my mom, my dad was my dad. I did miss having siblings. I always wanted sisters! Boy, now I have them. (yay me!)

I always wanted to know my mother. I always had a love for her. I had a vision of who she was in my mind (and when I met her, saw her younger pictures, it was right on). I even had a strange "dream", call it what you may, when I was about 12 years old. I woke up and told my best girlfriend Jessica who was sleeping over that I knew my mother's name was Pat. True story. Kinda strange.

When it came to my father, well, I didn't know any of the facts like I did with my mother. I knew she was young and did not have much choice in the matter I knew she didn't have her mother to help make decisions or help parent me if she kept me. I knew ENOUGH to know that whether she knew it at the time, she did not have any real choice but to put me up for adoption. Most importantly, in my years of NOT knowing her, I knew I loved her for putting me first. With my father, I had zero information. Nothing. Nada. What would you think?

Well, my parents had no information on my birth father so they had nothing to give to me. Those of you who read my blog know the story, i'm not going to rewrite that chapter today. He didn't know about me. Period. But as a child growing up, I didn't have this history. In my mind he was all kinds of things, but it honestly did not occur to me that he just didn't know.

I thought for many years after meeting my mother that I was fulfilled. I didn't think I needed to know my father. Of course I was interested in him. When she told me he didn't know about me, the interest sparked more. I could dismiss all those years of not so pleaseant thoughts I had about him running away from her in distress. Its always been my mother I've worried about. Funny to think now, that even as a child, I worried about her life and if she was ok. I knew I was happy. What about her? I wish for her sake that she knew I was ok. Well, I guess that is a whole other blog post!

As I watched the Locator with Troy Dunn on television again last night, I could see a piece of me in everyone one of those men and women searching for their birth parents. I cry with them everytime they find what they are looking for, good or bad. I've lived their lives in some ways, felt the highs and lows, made the hard decisions to search or not search. I feel a guilty happiness for me along with a sadness for them when I realize my outcome is better than many of them . (if you haven't seen this show, grab a box of tissues and see if you can make it without using one!)

I think often of Troy Dunn's famous quote " You can't find peace until you find all the pieces". What a beautiful true statement! My puzzle has been completed, my pieces fit together now with no holes or gaps. My puzzle sits on my dresser in my bedroom in the form of beautiful pictures of men and woman who are a part of me, one way or another, linked to my heart.