tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351130400532905542024-03-12T23:55:29.099-04:00BRANCHES OF MY LIFE<center>My thoughts on my life....</center><center>
</center><center>Uncovering family as I find my biological birth parents, siblings and new extended family.</center>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-12113838723376462982017-06-17T11:57:00.001-04:002017-06-17T13:38:47.900-04:00Reflections of long ago -- high school <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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High school years </h2>
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I find myself reminiscing back to the days when I was in high school. You might not know that I was shy , insecure and my worst critic . If you know me now you probably couldn't imagine this ! I'm talkative and basically outgoing . My job requires me to interact and speak to multiple people daily . It's my absolute favorite aspect of my job too. Go figure! I truly love my patients and getting to know them. Breaking through my insecurities and trying to accept myself took many years . Actually, it's never ending isn't it ?</div>
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Looking back on my high school pictures and looking from a distance I realize how hard I was on myself . Why oh why did a young girl hate her body with so much venomous disgust ? A size 7 and I thought I was obese . I wish I could go back and tell that young girl to enjoy life more . That no one was judging her body except her . I wish I could tell the old me that I was pretty . Not beautiful , not gorgeous , but also not the ugly monster I had in my mind . </div>
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I wonder if this poor reflection of myself led me into the relationships I had as a teen . I think I chose partners who also had some self doubt about themselves . Maybe not about their appearance per se but about life in general. Our teen angst attracted us to each other . </div>
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My first long time boyfriend was my first love . He was many things that I wasnt . He didn't worry or have anxiety like I had ( about normal situations ) . He was in many ways carefree. I remeber how he laughed and how easily he smiled to this day . I was 14 years old when I met him at Roller Haven . He was laughing the whole night . He told me I was pretty . That's what I needed to feel . </div>
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We dated as much as a 14 and a 16 year old can date with no car . I'd see him when I could and we'd talk on the phone . Dating was different pre internet , facebook and snapchat . With no cell phones we talked on the phone , me attached to the hallway phone with the 20 foot cord . Eventually, I'd get the elusive phone in my room . A clear phone that was coveted by most teens in the late 80's. I thought I was so cool!</div>
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Tim was a handsome young man with beautiful eyes and goofy smile . I'd been warned that he was "trouble" yes , that was the word I remember . He was sweet and vulnerable with me . He was kind . He was a little trouble though . I guess we all had our struggles . His were different than mine . </div>
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We dated for maybe 2 years mostly on sometimes off . I was a childish girlfriend who was jealous , and I realize it was because I WAS still a child . I'd finally at one point had the strength to break off our relationship because really , he didn't want a girlfriend and a relationship like I thought I did. He was still young and so was I . I was 16 years old . </div>
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I went on to date someone totally opposite him . Actually , nothing like him. Very shortly into our relationship I became pregnant . I was terrified . Listen to me when you read this . I love my son more than anything on this earth . I Don't regret my decision to have him . But , I made an error in judgment and had a child with someome I did not love . I hope my thoughts are coming through the way I'm hoping.</div>
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I went on to date Tim a second time . We dated for a year and half when I was 18 and in college . Although he was my first love, things would never work between us . He had demons . He had many things in his life that I could not accept . But , he loved my child . He was good to him . We had good times . They weren't all bad . I had to choose the best life for my Tommy and at the time Tim was not a part of it . He is sober and successful today . He has a family . I've heard good things . We are both happy . I wish him nothing but joy and love in this world . I thank him for the lessons he taught me . For showing me what I do and do not need in a partner . I'm forever grateful for our time . </div>
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Looking at these young men and women at graduation today just brought me back in time . This is my story , my truth . What was theirs? I hope they don't take as long to accept themselves for who they are . I wish that for all of them . </div>
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I thank Tim for my experiences and for leading me ultimately to the love of my life . Had I not known heartache , not known what I didn't need , I certainly would not have found my true love .<br />
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I thank Tony , as always , for taking a broken , self deprecating young woman and teaching me that I'm special . And as always - I love him for being patient with me . We've been married for almost 23 years now. I've found my partner , my best friend and my last love .<br />
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~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-20522563272953333562017-06-09T13:50:00.001-04:002017-06-09T13:51:38.370-04:00How quickly the years pass by..<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We've all said this before. And it's true . Time has passed and life has moved on. It's been over five years since I sat and wrote to you . Five years is a long time for change to take hold . For change to sculpt a life. So, sit down an catch up as I let my fingers mold </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">my sculpture for you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Five years , 4 sons , a husband , a father , two mothers , a stepmother , 4 sisters and a brother . Two sister in laws , two brother in laws , nieces, nephews , friends and loved ones . Where do I start ? How do start?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So many have asked me : why did you stop blogging ? Where's the updating? Initially I stopped because, well I was happy . I was content . I'd found my rainbow , that moment in life in which the sky is blue after the rainstorm. Is that strange to you ? I've always been better at pouring these typed words on the screen as I'm anxious or feeling down. Happiness is not my inspiration . Odd ? I don't know, I just know my soul seeps words and thoughts as I struggle through life . </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Now , this isn't to say that I can't rejoice in the sunshine of life . I can and I do . I will. I have. I have much to be thankful for . My family, my friends , my work are just a few . You will see me write of these aspects that fill me with a pride that bursts like a balloon that is too full . Honestly though? When I'm at my best in telling you my story it's because im raw. I'm open in a way that you won't get if you speak to me . </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So what about those years you say ? Let me start with those closest to my heart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> I've had the pleasure of watching my oldest son Thomas ( now 27) grow into a fine young man . He is quiet , dependable and hard working . He's shy , and kind. He struggled in school but he's excelling in his work. I hope he meets a sweet girl who loves his silly , nutty side . I'm proud of him. I should tell him more . I will tell him more . </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I've watched son number two, Tony (22), graduate high school , graduate college , and find his first full time job. He is excellent at managing money. He did not get this from me. Or maybe he did get this from watching me make mistakes ? He's kind. He's in love. Oh , he's in love like I was with his father. He sees the beauty in his girl . The inside , deep down beauty of a woman that all women want from their men. This I gave to him . This is a gift I know I gave him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Two years ago my third son Nicholas (19)graduated high school. He did not enter college . He's working full time and is well liked . He's got a personality that is charming . He's handsome . So incredibly so. He makes me laugh ! He's quick with his temper . He's smart , politically so. Even if you don't agree with his conservative thoughts you will appreciate how well versed he is. He is the fighter of the underdog . He is much like his father . So many times they can't see eye to eye but I know with a mother's intuition it's just because they are much alike . He works hard . I don't want him to have to work so hard . I also don't want him to make our mistakes . I know without a doubt he will find his path. I always have .</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This is the big year for my fourth and last son Jarett (17). Graduation looms . It is a good second half of the school year for my baby, my sweet child . He has overcome a struggle . The injury he suffered in 2015 would halt his </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">high school athletic career and test him . He'd have to see he is more than a basketball player , a baseball player , an athlete. He's a fine young man who can put a smile on my face even on my darkest of days . He makes me laugh. We sing all the time in the car at the top of our lungs . We both love music . We both believe music is an integral part of life. He's in love . It's his first real love. It's sweet to watch him with her . They are best friends . He's learning well what love entails. I dread the day his heart breaks as it invariably will. He was so unexpected in my life. My goodness though , who would I be without him?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And last but not least , my husband . My best friend . My best ally. We've been through the depths of what felt like hell my friends. We lost our shell. Our home . But you know what ? We stuck together. I don't know if a couple that wasn't as bonded as we were could have made it . I don't say that braggingly . I just know it's true . We struggle to make our way but we never struggle with each other any longer . We are at that sweet spot in marriage where I know without doubt when I look to my side he's there . He's been so strong at times and at others it was me that found a strength I didn't know I had . We are still standing and taking baby steps toward the next adventure. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Stay tuned for more </span></div>
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~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-43392926780848216752012-02-01T20:26:00.000-05:002012-02-01T20:26:39.004-05:00Three hour lunches = catching up with an old friend<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today I had a wonderful , long, yet much too quick lunch with an old friend. This is a friend I used to speak to on a once (or more!) daily basis. We have been through many things in our lives together. We have shared elementary school, middle school, high school, my teen pregnancy, our marriages, the births of my other three boys and her two children. Its been much too long, yet the time we spent was as easy as if I saw her yesterday.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">My son Nicholas asked me how I could be such good friends with someone and not talk to them in such a long time. It is a poignant question. I'm not sure what happened. We both went back to school and with families and work commitments it became harder to keep in touch. I thought of her often and would always put calling her on the "to do list" , yet most days I just didn't make it a priority. Nick's question to me really confirmed that no matter what answer I gave him it was the incorrect one, as there is no excuse for not finding time for true friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So today was a happy day! She looks exactly the same to me as years before. I enjoyed every minute of our time together. I look forward to seeing her more often and can't wait for the next long lunch!</span></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-78403653897788529952012-01-29T21:08:00.001-05:002012-01-29T21:08:28.846-05:00Reliving the joy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Not just leisure reading, but reading as more of self improvement. I've been devouring the book by Joel Osteen "Becoming a Better You". Of course this book is religious based, but honestly the message in the book is inspiring. You should check it out and see what I mean.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I've also been doing some other reading. I've been following an old friend's search for his birthmother through emails, facebook, and his blog. His search started a while ago, fizzled out , and began again in earnest a few days ago. I can not begin to express to you the emotions that I felt throughout his journey! It is like reliving finding my own birthmother and father. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia;">He is the one person who <strong><em>is me</em> </strong>. In that I mean, I have not had another adoptee to share all I've been through before. We are both fortunate in that our spouses are supportive and encouraging. But to be able to share the same fears, anxieties and then joys with another in the same situation is such an emotional feeling!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I had been hoping and praying since last year that his first futile search would not make him give up hope. As an adoptee, it is your right to decide when the time is right for you. I think he just needed to find the right time in his head and his heart. When you get the correct mindset all good things will happen. He found her quickly and now they communicate all the time. I am so happy for him my heart is about to burst. I know the journey he is on and I'm excited for the both of them. What he doesn't yet know is that there are many more roads ahead of him with so many more pots of gold waiting. Once he speaks to extended family and finally his siblings his life will surely be as interesting as mine!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">In my old friend's elation it transports me back to 1997 and searching for my mother. There was no internet for me (at least I don't think I had internet??) I paid a popular search company to find her address for me. I wrote her a heart wrenching letter, splilling my heart out to her. I prayed she would call me. I waited. I waited. I waited even more. No response. No phone call. I was absolutely devestated. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I remember one Saturday when my husband was working I went to bed. I literally went into my bed and laid there with Nicholas (he was just a few months old), Tony 3, and Tommy 7 laying with me watching TV. I laid there for a long time until my husband called and made me feel better about the situation. He said perhaps she hadn't even received the letter and not to be so pessimistic. Soon after believing that Tony could be right there was a crack in the case. A month later I met my mother who was living in New Jersey at the time. My letter was originally sent to an address in Maine that was really outdated. She never received it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I thought of this story when my friend said he did not get a response to his message sent to her via facebook messages. I urged him to send an email to her true email address. Thank God he did, as she hadn't seen the first one. I felt all along his reunion would go well, maybe because my two had. I just wanted for him what I had for myself and now he has it!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I can't wait until after they meet. We've talked of going out with our spouses and sharing more stories of new families. I can't wait to get to know his wife, and for him to get to know Tony. If it weren't for the two of them being so supportive who knows if we would have ever gone through with our searches.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I love writing my blog. I truly enjoy the documentating of all that comes out of my learning about my family. With his new blog , </span><span style="font-family: Georgia;">now I am an adopton blog reader too! </span></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-85378549420575212732012-01-23T19:26:00.000-05:002012-01-23T19:28:03.203-05:00The wait to see my mother is on, please let the Maine weather cooperate!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm always looking for my next adventure -something I can look forward to. Especially in this time of year when the weather is cold, the days are short, and i'm feeling a bit of cabin fever. My next trek will be to the southern part of Maine where I will meet some family for my birthday. Please Maine winter storms, cooperate with me at the end of March!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It struck me the other day that neither my mother or I have spent a birthday together since we have known one another. We both have winter birthdays and it can be difficult to travel. I take that back, the last birthday we had was the day I was born. I want more than anything to give her a memory of my birthday that does not relate to sadness. I'm hoping March will change that all together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I've spoke about my mother often in my writings. As many of the people that read this are mothers and fathers I feel particularly that you all understand the great love and admiration that I have for her. A large portion of this is due to the fact that I was fortunate enough to have had adoptive parents who had been given small details about my mother and who were kind of enough to pass them on to me.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jCnllS-T2WU/Tx33e9x3rjI/AAAAAAAAAKA/-Ba3UFik3bk/s1600/jodiage10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jCnllS-T2WU/Tx33e9x3rjI/AAAAAAAAAKA/-Ba3UFik3bk/s320/jodiage10.jpg" width="137" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">Age 10, all smiles and freckles</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I remember being about 10 years old and asking my parents more specific questions about my birth parents. Although they had no information regarding my father, my mother spoke of my mother (Pat) with tears in her eyes. She told me all that she knew, that she was not in a position to keep me and that she had desperately tried to find a way to do just that. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was told of her young age and that </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">her mother, my maternal grandmother, had passed away and so no motherly figure was there to help her with me. They gave me the real perspective of my mothers situation. My parents made me understand at an early age that this mother I hadn't met was the first great love in my life. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What I realized as I got older is that my parents gave a gift to me that was priceless.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Many adoptees grow up with questions and uncertainties. Of course I was inquisitive about my situation but I was lucky enough to have these basic details about my mother. I grew up having a mother and father in my everyday life and also this sort of dream mother too. I thought of her all the time and she was kind of like a living angel to me. Many days I would think of her and wonder what her life was like. My parents gave me such a wonderful sense of her that I loved her for as long I can remember.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My only regrets about my particular adoption are that I wish in 1973 there would have been some provision for my mother to learn about me. Open adoptions can be tricky and controversial but I believe a mother should at least be given some information regarding their child. Perhaps through a third party or agency. All those years I knew I was fine, but even as I child I loved her enough to worry about her. It's funny how a child can think. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You will here me use the words hero, brave, amazing, and selfless when I speak about my mother. She was all of those things and more. These are not fluffy words and phrases I speak to dramatize the situation. These words do not even due justice to how I feel about her. Her love and sacrifices and my parent's love and devotion provided a wonderful childhood for me. For all of my parents I am grateful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, I am hoping the weather will cooperate with us this year. I pray to see her on my birthday, take some happy photo's and add to my memories. My sisters may be coming too. What joy I would have to see any of them! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This may be my last birthday to celebrate too, since I plan on staying 39 for the rest of my life!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B0dXwMH5IbA/Tx33fG6gFAI/AAAAAAAAAKI/0yvei2tmjiU/s1600/meandmom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="162" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B0dXwMH5IbA/Tx33fG6gFAI/AAAAAAAAAKI/0yvei2tmjiU/s320/meandmom.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">mom and I about the same age</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> <span style="color: red;">My beautiful mother today</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-txcBZksev5A/Tx33oc_K1gI/AAAAAAAAAKg/maYFh1o96lU/s1600/mom+high+school.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-txcBZksev5A/Tx33oc_K1gI/AAAAAAAAAKg/maYFh1o96lU/s200/mom+high+school.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">so pretty - high school picture</span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e1gngGWyVKI/Tx33oGqs45I/AAAAAAAAAKY/HycjEglMdzc/s1600/mejune2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e1gngGWyVKI/Tx33oGqs45I/AAAAAAAAAKY/HycjEglMdzc/s200/mejune2011.jpg" width="150" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-13161717326102861562011-11-30T14:08:00.003-05:002011-11-30T14:24:32.512-05:00Thanksgiving to Christmas.. My Favorite time of year!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Thanksgiving! It is a holiday I have always adored!Who doesn't enjoy the food, family and time to give thanks to all that is important? </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span> </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As a kid, this was a fun holiday that we spent with our immediate relatives. I enjoyed playing with my cousins and being in the happy warmth of family. We would set up board games and play for hours while the aroma of food was in the air. Those were carefree times! These past two years I have really approached this day as it is intended- to give thanks to all that I have to be thankful for. </span></div><br />
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<tr><td style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rrTproG5Av4/TtZ7fDPHNZI/AAAAAAAAAJk/KU7aT_L_tgU/s1600/black+and+white.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rrTproG5Av4/TtZ7fDPHNZI/AAAAAAAAAJk/KU7aT_L_tgU/s320/black+and+white.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sons are always in the forefront of my thoughts</td></tr>
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I loved the holdiays being with my three cousins. As an only child, I was often left wishing I had siblings. Being with my cousins filled my time. Perhaps that is why I always wanted a large family of my own. I enjoy watching my sons, now young men, interacting with each other. When on the rare occasions all agree and get along it's a beautiufl thing! There are times, I'm sure, that they probably wish they had the peace and quiet the life of an only child brings. If they could only know how much I would give to have a holiday as they do. What a dream it is for me to sit at a table with my four sisters and brother and have my mothers (both of them!), father, Diana and Steven all together at one time . I hope as they grow older and wiser they will understand how lucky they are two be part of this group of four brothers. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I1eX3MzK-G8/TtZ7hXkQvKI/AAAAAAAAAJs/LjMgXtcqwQ8/s1600/boys+cowboys+field.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I1eX3MzK-G8/TtZ7hXkQvKI/AAAAAAAAAJs/LjMgXtcqwQ8/s320/boys+cowboys+field.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My four handsome sons - Nick, Tom, Tony and Jarett</td></tr>
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am particularly sappy and thankful during this time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Christmas was always a favorite for me as it a joy for me to decorate the house, bake and cook for the holidays. I love making big platters filled with baked goods and enjoy sharing them with family and friends. I love our Christmas day routine of the boys opening stockings first while Tony and I cook a big breakfast. The boys will sort through the pile of gifts under the tree and organize them. We each will take turns opening our gifts so we can all see what the other has received. I know this is not how many households will open their presents, but for us it has worked well. I can truly see the joy on their faces with each gift. Oh, I know what you are thinking- Christmas is not about gifts alone! It is a holy and important day. I know this too, but I enjoy the gift giving part. </span></div><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Throughout the holidays I will think of my family. Those near and far. Those I see often and those I can not. Those I have not yet met, but so long to do so. Those who have gone before me and that I miss dearly. Those I will never have the opportnity to know.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am thankful for all of you who have taken me into your hearts, and for letting me into yours. I am so grateful for this large family I have been given!! </span><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am truly blessed!</span> </div> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xUfRMXQJits/TtZ7bcoOu1I/AAAAAAAAAJc/VBup5TAcFgo/s1600/bench+water+up+close.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xUfRMXQJits/TtZ7bcoOu1I/AAAAAAAAAJc/VBup5TAcFgo/s320/bench+water+up+close.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">taken the day after Thanksgiving, 2011</td></tr>
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0Connecticut, USA41.6032207 -73.08774900000003141.0533987 -74.058017000000035 42.1530427 -72.117481000000026tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-13840153043232063192011-11-30T14:08:00.001-05:002011-11-30T14:08:37.419-05:00Branches Of My Life: Thanksgiving to Christmas.. My Favorite time of y...<a href="http://branchesofmylife.blogspot.com/2011/11/thanksgiving-to-christmas-my-favorite.html?spref=bl">Branches Of My Life: Thanksgiving to Christmas.. My Favorite time of y...</a>: Thanksgiving! It is a holiday I have always adored!Who doesn't enjoy the food, family and time to give thanks to all that is importan...~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-23432445802192916872011-07-26T21:33:00.002-04:002011-07-26T22:06:58.605-04:00Another milestone comes and goes...As we mark one year of being a family.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140" closure_uid_p1o9q8="421" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a closure_uid_p1o9q8="1475" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Wf-x8Ld5gXk/Ti9t0GOJXbI/AAAAAAAAAG4/tzFBu8wRQVo/s1600/summerpicturemedad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Wf-x8Ld5gXk/Ti9t0GOJXbI/AAAAAAAAAG4/tzFBu8wRQVo/s200/summerpicturemedad.jpg" t$="true" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" closure_uid_ssl61w="171" style="text-align: center;">My Dad and Me</td></tr>
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<tr><td closure_uid_p1o9q8="458" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mJbD9CXHDec/Ti9rggJcM7I/AAAAAAAAAGc/40Efy--eh7I/s1600/summerpartymedadandgirlslarger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="153" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mJbD9CXHDec/Ti9rggJcM7I/AAAAAAAAAGc/40Efy--eh7I/s200/summerpartymedadandgirlslarger.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;">Heidi, Dad, Teisha and I July 23, 2011</td></tr>
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<div closure_uid_p1o9q8="122" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="139" closure_uid_ssl61w="172" style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So its Tuesday. I generally dislike Tuesdays. Its a longer day for me at work and I'm always anxious to get to my day off on Wednesday. Today was a particularly sad Tuesday for me even though I had the day off because today I had to say goodbye to my family that was visiting me. Goodbyes have never been easy for me, this was no exception.</span></div></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="143" style="font-family: Georgia;">Thursday evening, after waiting anxiously like a 5 year old on Christmas Eve, Tony and I were able to welcome my father, Diana, and my sister Heidi into our home. I've been counting down the months, weeks, days, then hours, then minutes until I would see them!! We haven't been together since October when Tony and I spent those 4 glorious days in Georgia at their home.</span></div></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="148" style="font-family: Georgia;">Now, to know me is to know that although I am can be happy about a situation, I still cannot shake the negative that is coming. I promised myself that I would enjoy every minute I had with my sisters, Dad and Diana and not count down the hours til they had to leave. I was pretty good about it this time too. I did well until Monday when I knew it was the last day, but I'll save the sappy thoughts for later ! (shocker, lol!)</span></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="144" style="font-family: Georgia;">I have always been thankful for the fact that I entered this family with a feeling of belonging. It's a fantastically strange feeling to have this kind of ease so early, but I did. I have always felt an instant connection with them as I did with my mother when I met her. It was something I did not expect. I'm not sure if I didn't expect it because it was my father (vs. meeting my mom whom I'd felt in my heart forever) or what, but I'm grateful it is there.</span></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ppOZvVs3zp8/Ti9r2_NW1DI/AAAAAAAAAGo/7SJWcTAM4pk/s1600/summerpartymeandpatrick1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ppOZvVs3zp8/Ti9r2_NW1DI/AAAAAAAAAGo/7SJWcTAM4pk/s1600/summerpartymeandpatrick1.jpg" t$="true" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my cousin Patrick</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1811" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div closure_uid_ssl61w="198"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="146" closure_uid_p1o9q8="2006" style="font-family: Georgia;">We had an awesome time! A great party Saturday evening having my Peterson side of the family meet my Gagnon side of the family. I'm so happy everyone blended so well together!! We continued to have fun for the rest of my weekend and I soaked up the time I had getting to know more about Heidi and my stepmama ( inside joke) Diana, Also getting more of that quality time with Teisha, Shawn and my Dad. I wish I could have stopped time or at least slowed it down last saturday night! We all got on so well that I was floating on cloud nine. You can see in the pictures how truly happy I was. I didn't get to spend time with our friends at that party as much as I would have liked, but other than that it was perfect! (I owe you another party dear friends!!) </span></div></div></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140" closure_uid_p1o9q8="1105" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a5fl3f3VWH0/Ti9tmEdFK0I/AAAAAAAAAGw/0DgV5DNxPjY/s1600/summerpartybrenttony.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a5fl3f3VWH0/Ti9tmEdFK0I/AAAAAAAAAGw/0DgV5DNxPjY/s200/summerpartybrenttony.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two of the best guys you will ever meet!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qvhNRxUUxjc/Ti9tp7-eWjI/AAAAAAAAAG0/GUgwPx-S33E/s1600/summerpartycarolynandleonard1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qvhNRxUUxjc/Ti9tp7-eWjI/AAAAAAAAAG0/GUgwPx-S33E/s1600/summerpartycarolynandleonard1.jpg" t$="true" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Leonard</td></tr>
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<div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1886" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1886" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1886" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1886" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1886" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1886" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="147" style="font-family: Georgia;">During their visit it was exactly a year that had passed since I met my father last July 22, 2010. I cannot believe it but its true! I feel like we have worked hard to catch up the time and the affect of that hard work is showing. I really can't tell you in words how I feel about the time and effort my father has put into building our relationship. And that is really what its about. We both had to make a decision early on what this would be about. For me it was simple, I would take all he would give. He has surpassed my expectations as well as have my sisters Teisha and Heidi. His wife Diana is someone I honestly just look forward to seeing! All of the wives that read this know if it weren't for her support, I wouldn't have as much of my father as I do.</span></div><div closure_uid_p1o9q8="1886" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hxP4F7IYpIM/Ti9t6wVllzI/AAAAAAAAAG8/MC3mUPgz7xY/s1600/brentdianavineyard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hxP4F7IYpIM/Ti9t6wVllzI/AAAAAAAAAG8/MC3mUPgz7xY/s1600/brentdianavineyard.jpg" t$="true" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Diana with my father</td></tr>
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</div></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140" closure_uid_p1o9q8="3503" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="161" style="font-family: Georgia;">So, I wasn't going to write today, but i swore when I started this blog I'd write when I could. Especially after good events. I've re-read my blog recently and really you do forget some of the emotion! After reading again, it just makes me more thankful for what I have. Today is a tough one though,which is why I will post this so late. It hurts my heart to write about saying goodbye. I now start my countdown again. Three months until we meet again.</span></div></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">My next agenda is finally seeing my mother. It has been my experience that I've missed her even more when I'm with him. Crazy how your heart and mind work.</span></div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_l2v5r7="140" closure_uid_p1o9q8="782" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GXcqUkYas8E/Ti9rbFu1EVI/AAAAAAAAAGY/SEUphomDOQk/s1600/summerpartysisterslogo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GXcqUkYas8E/Ti9rbFu1EVI/AAAAAAAAAGY/SEUphomDOQk/s200/summerpartysisterslogo.gif" t$="true" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" closure_uid_p1o9q8="1514" style="text-align: center;">Sisters!</td></tr>
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<div closure_uid_p1o9q8="2660" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span closure_uid_l2v5r7="163" style="font-family: Georgia;">So, thanks to my Dad for making it all happen, being the great guy that he is. For driving 17 hours to see me, staying in my crazy boy overrun home. For doing the everyday things with me this weekend that meant more to me than siteseeing and even the casino-- that's saying alot from me! (baseball games, driving me around and grocery shopping--(oops, i still owe you that money!). Thanks for making the trip Diana and Heidi. Teisha and Shawn for thier 3rd trip down (I owe you a few trips too!) And to many more years of doing the same ordinary things again. </span></div> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jww6_O7OEUY/Ti9ru54pmAI/AAAAAAAAAGk/U8ibepyFQnE/s1600/summerpartymeandteisha.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jww6_O7OEUY/Ti9ru54pmAI/AAAAAAAAAGk/U8ibepyFQnE/s200/summerpartymeandteisha.jpg" t$="true" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" closure_uid_p1o9q8="2690" style="text-align: center;">Teisha and me</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a93bQl5eHFE/Ti9r741tjCI/AAAAAAAAAGs/B8dVwPuW2ug/s1600/summerpartyheidime.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a93bQl5eHFE/Ti9r741tjCI/AAAAAAAAAGs/B8dVwPuW2ug/s1600/summerpartyheidime.jpg" t$="true" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me with Heidi</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-7309555897521991792011-06-18T11:56:00.001-04:002011-06-18T11:59:22.598-04:00Birthdays, Father's Day, and Anniversaries (Oh My!)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This week in June is special to me. It starts with my darling husband's birthday, today June 18th. I always look forward to this day. I love buying him something special , picking out the perfect card, and spending some peaceful time alone together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Tomorrow is Father's Day. A day for years I loved and cherished. For as long as I can remember it began with a gift for Daddy. Maybe it was a picture I colored, a craft we made in girl scouts (with my mom as the leader), or later on a gift i picked out for a hard to buy for man. (hard to buy for because he generally didn't want anything!) Oh how I dreaded picking something out for him. It was always so difficult to choose! Now, I'd give anything to have to hunt for the perfect gift. Of course then I didn't realize how short our time would be.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UjGGXtrZzVI/TfzJEpmfXYI/AAAAAAAAAF0/fwTTu2CPRJs/s1600/fathers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" i$="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UjGGXtrZzVI/TfzJEpmfXYI/AAAAAAAAAF0/fwTTu2CPRJs/s320/fathers.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The best fathers that I know!<br />
Me with my Dad 1974, me with my Dad 2010, <br />
Tony and the boys , my father in law Anton</td></tr>
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">This year father's day will still be a difficult day for me. I'm sure it always will be to some extent. This year I will take solace in the fact that I have a second father to love. In that joy I've found I will celebrate two fathers. One who is with me now , and one that will be in my heart forever. I will try to focus on happy memories of the past and joyful thoughts of my future. </span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">June now holds another meaningful day for me. It is another anniversary of sorts. June 23rd marks the day that my life changed forever. It is added to a bevy of other days holding a special spot in my memories. It is the day I decided to let go of fear, take a risk, and open my heart once again. June 23rd is eternally marked as the day the final piece of the puzzle that is my life was put into place. The day I sent the email to my father that changed so many of our lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I have to say this year has been full of love and joy. I have my first nephew and godson from Debbie and Tommy(added to all my other nieces and nephews!!!), have found my father, sisters, brother, and Diana. It amazes me every time I think of how everything fell into place and how truly blessed I am to have all this love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I have to thank both of my mothers for allowing this all to happen. My mother (Irene) was always supportive of my finding my birthparents and family. My mother (Pat) provided the basis for my wanting to find my father. It was that first conversation with her 13 1/2 years ago that gave me such a positive experience and outpouring of love that made the next meeting possible. I don't think I ever would have contacted my father if she had not welcomed me with open arms. So, for that oupouring of love that she gave me long ago, I thank her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So June is full of good things for the men I love. With luck July with follow with more happiness as my Dad, Diana, Heidi , and Teisha and Shawn come to visit me. We celebrate Andrew's first birthday in July too! Oh, and did I mention I'm going to be an Auntie again!!?? Life is sweet <3</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I dreamt of their faces for years.<br />
Mom (Pat) and Dad (Brent)</td></tr>
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</div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-41217750376227373882011-05-29T23:07:00.000-04:002011-05-29T23:07:54.244-04:00More everyday, ordinary ,joyous moments!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A weekend is coming to an end. A long weekend at that. I hate to see it end! It was full of sunshine and happy moments. <sigh></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Happiness for me is the time I spend with my family. This Memorial day weekend I spent some precious time with my sister in law , brother in law and my darling nephew Andrew. This weekend also included a long overdue visit with one of my newest sisters, Teisha. I was lucky to have a few days with her visiting me from her home state of Maine. I met her husband for the first time and can see why she loves him. It is apparent that he is truly the love of her life and a pillar of strength for her, as my Tony is for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">We shared time together doing ordinary things which seem extraordinary in some ways just because i'm sharing them with her! A baseball game watching Jarett hit homerun #3 (yay JT!) , a cookout in my yard, looking at pictures, talking about our father. A year ago today none of this would have seemed possible!! She never even knew I was her sister last year. It's crazy and blows my mind just thinking that. In 11 months I gained two sisters, one brother, two nephews, four nieces, a sweet southern step mother, and my second father. Wow!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"> I suprised myself this afternoon as my sister went to leave me. No tears ran down my cheeks, I didn't even choke them back. (If you know me at all this is shocking!) Of course I didn't want to see her go! I'm just as emotional as I always have been, it's my perspective that is slightly skewed now. I found so much joy in just <em>being</em> with her that I couldn't waste that joy on the sadness of her leaving. I'm not sure I'm even exspressing my thoughts in words the way I feel them. I can't think of any other way to write it down.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">All day long I waited to call my father. I had just spoken with him in the morning but I could not wait to speak with him again to share this happiness I felt. For all the years I waited to find this other family, it was always my dear sisters I was afraid to hurt with the knowledge of me. It is these two sweet sisters that accepted me without hesitation, just as Jesi and Heather did for me many years ago. It is amazing for me to have three seperate but now shared loving families!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I guess truly the only sadness of today comes in just the desire to be with those I cannot. It is the strange side effect of the bliss of being with family that always creeps in at me. As much as I loved being with Teisha, I can not help but want to have all the rest of those I miss be here with me also. Teisha and I together both felt the missing link of Heidi and our father. It was apparent in the conversations we had this weekend that they seemed to revolve the center of our thoughts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">For me, her leaving was did not cause sadness because we are connected. We have seen each other now and that will hold me for a bit. (along with the hours of phones calls!) It is the sorrow of missing the others that caused the little catch in my throat and puts the tear in my eye as I type this. The hope of seeing my other sisters and really the need to be with my mother. Those times too will come, but with me being impatient it is hard to wait. I suppose when you wait a lifetime, or in reality 24 years or 37 years as I did, its hard to make yourself wait again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I'm looking forward to the next visit coming, when my father will visit me in July. Soon, I will see my mother also. Then, my heart will be full. Until those days I am thankful for all that I have now and I try to wait patiently. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">If only my Dad could be here while all this happening, that would be the icing on the sweet cupcake! </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sister Teisha and I - May 28, 2011 age 38 and 40</td></tr>
</tbody></table> </div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-83507032059275437302011-04-03T21:33:00.000-04:002011-04-03T21:33:38.066-04:00***~*~*** My 38th Birthday of Firsts ***~*~***<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Ahhhh, another year passes by. It seems they go much faster as there are more birthday candles placed on my cake. It has been a wonderful year for me in many ways and every holiday and event that has passed since June has been a first for me.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My 38th birthday was a 1st birthday for me too! My first birthday with two more sisters and a brother. My first birthday knowing my father. My first birthday in six years where the sadness of missing my father has not been the overwhelming emotion that I've felt. My first birthday where my family is complete.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This year I received beautiful birthday wishes from people I love dearly. It is an odd feeling realizing that these very important people were not always in my life. Odd because I cannot now think of the words "my family" without seeing their faces. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So, for this year, I chose not to have birthday candles on my cake (and thanks to Tony for the yummy peanut butter blizzard ice cream cake!) . I think most of my birthday wishes already came true. They only thing I can wish for is more time with my 4 sisters, brother, mothers, and father.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I have to thank my mother, once again, who I hold in high esteem, for the love and encouragement through this whole journey. I cannot say enough about how much I admire her strength and courage. For me the year was full of joy, and although it must have been difficult at times for her, she has been nothing but supportive for me. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Here's to being 38!</span></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-30538871046751936862011-03-06T12:57:00.000-05:002011-03-06T12:57:12.630-05:00March- The month so long ago that changed my life forever..A little about my oldest son Tom<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tommy, just a few months old - 1990</td></tr>
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">March is a busy month for me. A joyfully busy month! First I celebrated my mothers 69th birthday! Oh how I wish my Dad could be here with her. I'm thankful for each year we recieve with my mother. The boys have been lucky to have their grandmother be such an integral part of their childhood. </span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Next up is my oldest son Tom's birthday. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> It is his <strong><u>21st birthday!</u></strong> It is a day which when he was small and life was so challenging I thought would <em><strong>never</strong></em> come! It is a day of happiness and sorrow all mixed in one for me. Happiness that Tommy and I made our way through life when life was not easy. That I as a teenaged mother was able to raise a son that is good, honest and thoughtful. That he -in addition to being my child- has also been a major catalyst in my life. It was he who drove me as an 18 year old mom to do well in college and succeed. It was Tommy who first showed me a mother loves her child more than she expects and she can explain to her child. It was Tommy who taught his mother so many lessons, as I hope I have now passed on to him.</span></div> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2010 Tom age 20, me age 37</td></tr>
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</div><span style="font-family: Georgia;">So, as his 21st birthday approaches next wednesday March 9th, I will remember the first time I held him. He and I are just 3 weeks shy of being 17 years apart. That day I first saw my son my teenage years may have been over, but truly my life had just begun. It was not a road paved of gold that lay ahead, but mixed with bumps and turns and twists. It was Tom and I growing up together in some ways. It was difficult, challenging but at the same time rewarding and life altering. I thank him for that gift that he gave me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">When life was challenging I dreamed of the days when my duties as a mom would diminish. When days were hard trying to be mommy, wife, daughter, student, employee, and friend, I would think of the days when things would be easier. Truthfully, things are easier when our children reach adulthood in the some ways. We no longer have to worry about simple daily chores such as homework, bathtime, etc. But I can tell you the worry never ends! You still want the best for your child, even when your child is an adult. The hopes, dreams and fears stay with a mother forever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Tommy is my first great blessing. Luckily for me, some years later I would be additionally blessed with my husband and 3 more sons. My husband has been a second father for Tom. He has been there to do all the hard work with me. To set rules and boundaries and enforce them. He has been with Tommy since Tommy was 3 years old. If you ask Tom, I'm sure he cannot remember a time before Tony came into our lives. We were lucky to find him. I know this always.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">age 6 months</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">So , this birthday will be bitter sweet to me. I'm proud of my son. I can not believe he is 21 years old this month. It is surreal to me! I think of myself at his age and our lives could not be more different. I can honestly tell you the years have gone by far too quickly. I remember every adult telling me how fast time would fly. You don't believe it until it happens to you.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">I am so thankful for my mother and father who did everything they could financially and emotionally for myself and Tom. If it were not for them and for my dear Aunt Carolyn helping me to take care of Tommy, I would have never made it through college. I was so lucky to have such a caring family help me to take care of Tom while I was in school or work. Not just Tom, but my other sons later on also!</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Happy 21st Birthday to Tom!! Mom loves you!!</span></div><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tommy and I at his high school graduation<br />
Tommy age 19, me age 36 June 2009<br />
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</div></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-34880577972806546832011-02-02T09:53:00.000-05:002011-02-02T09:53:57.610-05:00Its been a long time..an update of my growing family<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Well, my blogging effort has not been up to par of late. With the holidays and the business of being with family and loved ones- well it hasn't been my top priority. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Life is streaming along- well I should say skating along- with all of this winter weather that we are getting here in CT. Its been many days at home with the kids out of school and nowork for me. I am actually craving my normal routine!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Last night I was lying in bed thinking of these last few months. My family has evolved in so many way. My father is an integral part of my life. We speak once every week or so, and of course there are emails and facebook posts. But beyond how often I talk with him its really how much he occupies my life in my thoughts, memories and daydreams. I'm so thrilled to have him! I drifted off to sleep thinking of how lucky I am. To essentially have THREE families (my favorite number, so off topic I know!) to love and be loved by! Wow, really- wow! My last thoughts last night, as I had a fantastic and peaceful nights sleep like i haven't in so long, were that I have these three wonderful and different facets in my life. God, I feel so lucky. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I spent so many moments in the early days of meeting my father trying to nit pick the resemblances. Do I have his eyes- YES! Do I think I have his nose- I think so! Now I think of the other similarities, things you can't see. We have common traits. I find myself thinking of him and smiling. I like being a little bit <em>OF</em> him. I love it actually! Of course the same is true for my sisters. As in the early days of meeting Jesi and Heather with my Mom- it can be truly amazing to see natural traits show in siblings who have never met before. It does not get past me that my sister is a dental hygienist like me. That we graduated in the same year. That all of my sisters, except one, were teen moms like me. Oh, there are so many others I could mention! Is this just a coincidence?? I just cant believe that it is.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">On another note. I'm thinking of my impending jaunt to Northern Maine to see my mom Pat. I haven't seen in her in close to four years. Every time I think of this trip my heart beats a little quicker. She is one of the most important people in my world and its been too long. Really- this bond between us is something special -even beyond mother and daughter. Its something that makes my relationship with her different than maybe even her relationships with my sisters. I'm not saying she loves me more or less. (of course its more! hahaha) I'm saying she loves me with a different kind of love. F</span><span style="font-family: Georgia;">or me, with her, its the same. We share more than a parent and child bond. She is my mother, but she is also in my eyes my protector, my living guardian angel of sorts. She forever is my <em>hero.</em> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I have tried for many years to imagine the days and months my mother had with me before I was born. I have tried to put myself in those shoes she walked in. It wasn't hard to picture. I had my first son at almost 17- so close in age to what my mom was when she had me . I've tried to imagine her strength. I admire my mother because I know she sacrificed herself for me. Isn't that what we as parents always say we would do? Give ourselves, our own lives, for our children? As a child we hear our parents say these things. I didn't hear it from her. I LIVED it from her. My only wish was that she could have known in all the years that we were apart, that I loved her. That I always knew she loved me unconditionally. For that she can thank my parents. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I'm off track. What I was really thinking of last night was that since I met my father, I feel closer to my mother. I can see the two halves of me now. I am more complete than I was before. I drifted off to bed last night smiling. Truly happy for the turn of events that began last June. As a woman of almost 38 <<gasp>> its amazing how much you need your parents. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Good thing I have two sets of them!</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TUlto-rEfII/AAAAAAAAAEs/DmkNj5JEtHs/s1600/meage3color.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" s5="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TUlto-rEfII/AAAAAAAAAEs/DmkNj5JEtHs/s1600/meage3color.gif" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Me at age 3- I guess there is always a little person in us when dealing with our parents!</div></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-38043909594606699482010-11-29T21:12:00.000-05:002010-11-29T21:12:20.628-05:00Dreaming of Georgia once again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRcBQzKlNI/AAAAAAAAAEk/D_Nt7u6rFSk/s1600/2010_0427georgia0273.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRcBQzKlNI/AAAAAAAAAEk/D_Nt7u6rFSk/s320/2010_0427georgia0273.JPG" width="320" /></a></div> <span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Savannah Georgia, I am hooked! </strong></span><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRanp_-DXI/AAAAAAAAAEY/cXoKnjCDETU/s1600/2010_0427georgia0297.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRanp_-DXI/AAAAAAAAAEY/cXoKnjCDETU/s200/2010_0427georgia0297.JPG" width="150" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRaJcrAM8I/AAAAAAAAAEU/ijQeRGJly6I/s1600/2010_0427georgia0253.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRaJcrAM8I/AAAAAAAAAEU/ijQeRGJly6I/s200/2010_0427georgia0253.JPG" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>What have you done to my mind? I can't stop thinking about how beautiful, warm and inviting you are! I am constantly calculating and conniving ways to get back to you. </strong></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong> I fell in love with your artsy vibe and lovely southern drawl. The old brick buildings with wrought iron furnishing's. The brick streets and walkways with telltale signs of the past. </strong></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong> The people I met in shops, restaurants, and bars were so sweet and helpful. The sun was warm and shining. I must get there again..ahhhh. Savannah, the most haunted city in the United States is truly haunting me!!!</strong></span><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRbwi1HfaI/AAAAAAAAAEg/3tIklMtcyRU/s1600/2010_0427georgia0298.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TPRbwi1HfaI/AAAAAAAAAEg/3tIklMtcyRU/s320/2010_0427georgia0298.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Add to that loveliness my Dad, Marty and sweet Diana and how could I not want to return?? How could I not want to escape into the happiness I felt back in October? Will I ever be able to replicate the true joy I felt at that visit? I thinks so, I hope so. I'm willing to find out.</strong></span><br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>I've looked at houses online, dreaming and scheming. I've driven Tony crazy with my thoughts. I'm hooked. It only took 4 days and I'm hooked! Now to work on my dear Teisha and see if she will find some time to fly down once again with me.</strong></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>For now, Savannah will have to remain on my brain, in my heart and in my dreams. At least it won't be lonely. It shares that special spot with my Dad. </strong></span></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-59896176966525598332010-11-26T01:02:00.000-05:002010-11-26T01:02:41.488-05:00Thanksgiving- so appropriate<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: small;">Today was Thanksgiving. Something I have been thinking about for the last few months was how thankful I am. I'm going to make this short and sweet tonight!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I'm thankful first and foremost for my family. My husband who means so much to me, my four great sons, and my mom.<br />
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I'm thankful for my mother Pat, my sisters Jesi and Heather, nieces, nephews, great newphew and stepsister Becca and Steven who makes my mom so happy.<br />
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I'm thankful for my father Brent, my sisters Teisha and Heidi, my brother Marty, my nephews and nieces, and Diana who has opened her heart to me.<br />
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I'm thankful for Tony's family especially Debbie and Tom who gave me the wonderful gift of Auntie this year to sweet little Andrew.<br />
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I am thankful for my friends who are really more family to me than some of my own family. I love you for encouraging me on my jouney and supporting me.</span>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-82214308816356380392010-11-24T15:56:00.005-05:002010-11-24T22:10:28.392-05:00What's in a name? and other strange thoughts of a sleep deprived blogger<span style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" >So I was thinking about names and coincidences and all sorts of things that are random and not related. This is what I came up with.<br /><br /></span><ul style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;" face="georgia"><li>As I mentioned earlier I had an epiphany when I was age 12 and just knew my mother's name was Patricia.<br /></li></ul><ul style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;"><li>When I talked to my mother for the first time she asked my full name. It's Jodi <span style="font-style: italic;">Joy.</span> I learned from her that my sister Heather's middle name is <span style="font-style: italic;">Joy</span> and my mom said she changed it somewhat at the last moment. </li></ul><ul style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;"><li>My mom (Irene) thank God did not name me this, but thought about Micky (really mom, Micky??) Jo as my name. I meet sister no. 4 and her middle name is Jo. I've also been referred to as Jo Jo by a few in the past and one in the present.</li></ul><ul style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;"><li>My best friend growing up , who I still to this day say is my very first SISTER - well her name is Jessica. I have a sister named Jesika too! </li></ul> <ul style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;"><li>Teisha- well I haven't found the name connection yet but give me a chance and maybe I will haha. </li></ul><span style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" >Is your name really reflective of who you are? I've had two names. One my mom Pat gave me, one my mom and dad gave me. Would I be different if I wasn't Jodi Joy?<br /><br />I had no middle name on my original birth certificate. I asked Pat about this and she didn't remember. I know I LOVE names, so I'm glad I have a middle name for sure. I need to ask my mom why she named me what she did (another strange name if you ask me, sorry Mom!) but, hey it was the 70's !!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" >Anyways, this is a rambling blog post about strange thoughts that I had this morning at 1:30 when I couldn't sleep.</span>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-12826152595802820122010-11-14T09:58:00.006-05:002010-11-24T22:10:28.393-05:00Peace and Pieces<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TOAGVoxE5UI/AAAAAAAAADI/41kOD_CcBfk/s1600/jodiblog.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 143px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539434510455989570" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TOAGVoxE5UI/AAAAAAAAADI/41kOD_CcBfk/s200/jodiblog.jpg" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:georgia;">My family is not perfect, but its perfectly compete now that I've found the missing pieces. I never realized until I found my mother and father, sisters, brother, stepbrother, stepsister, nieces, nephews, aunts, cousins (I could go on!!) how much I needed them. I was happy being adopted as a kid. I never felt any different with my family. My mom was my mom, my dad was my dad. I did miss having siblings. I always wanted sisters! Boy, now I have them. (yay me!) </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I always wanted to know my mother. I always had a love for her. I had a vision of who she was in my mind (and when I met her, saw her younger pictures, it was right on). I even had a strange "dream", call it what you may, when I was about 12 years old. I woke up and told my best girlfriend Jessica who was sleeping over that I knew my mother's name was Pat. True story. Kinda strange.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">When it came to my father, well, I didn't know any of the facts like I did with my mother. I knew she was young and did not have much choice in the matter I knew she didn't have her mother to help make decisions or help parent me if she kept me. I knew ENOUGH to know that whether she knew it at the time, she <em><strong>did not have any real choice</strong></em> but to put me up for adoption. Most importantly, in my years of NOT knowing her, I knew I loved her for putting me first. With my father, I had zero information. Nothing. Nada. What would you think?</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Well, my parents had no information on my birth father so they had nothing to give to me. Those of you who read my blog know the story, i'm not going to rewrite that chapter today. He didn't know about me. Period. But as a child growing up, I didn't have this history. In my mind he was all kinds of things, but it honestly did not occur to me that he just didn't know.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I thought for many years after meeting my mother that I was fulfilled. I didn't think I needed to know my father. Of course I was interested in him. When she told me he didn't know about me, the interest sparked more. I could dismiss all those years of not so pleaseant thoughts I had about him running away from her in distress. Its always been my mother I've worried about. Funny to think now, that even as a child, I worried about her life and if she was ok. I knew I was happy. What about her? I wish for her sake that she knew I was ok. Well, I guess that is a whole other blog post!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">As I watched the Locator with Troy Dunn on television again last night, I could see a piece of me in everyone one of those men and women searching for their birth parents. I cry with them everytime they find what they are looking for, good or bad. I've lived their lives in some ways, felt the highs and lows, made the hard decisions to search or not search. I feel a guilty happiness for me along with a sadness for them when I realize my outcome is better than many of them . (if you haven't seen this show, grab a box of tissues and see if you can make it without using one!) </span></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:georgia;">I think often of Troy Dunn's famous quote " You can't find peace until you find all the pieces". What a beautiful true statement! My puzzle has been completed, my pieces fit together now with no holes or gaps. My puzzle sits on my dresser in my bedroom in the form of beautiful pictures of men and woman who are a part of me, one way or another, linked to my heart.</span></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-65477470616841826702010-11-06T02:02:00.006-04:002010-11-24T22:10:20.113-05:0024 Hours of Emotions<span style="font-family:georgia;">So many thoughts have been scrambling through my brain I had to sit and write them down. What a day it has been!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Today was an intersting day of emotions. There was a brief health scare (everything is fine) with my Dad Brent . My mind started to work in the way it always does - being nervous and neurotic. I tried to tell myself that everything would be fine as all points indicated, but my well, my mind I guess you could say has a mind of it's own!</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">The three of us girls have an emotional stake in our father. Obviously there are similarities in what those stakes are but their are differences too. Each of us has had a different experience with him . For me personally, everything is new and a health scare for me is frightening in that I want <em>every minute, day, month and year</em> I can have with my father. </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">It made me think of so many things today. I thought of my own dad and the day I found out he had a heart attack at just 49 years old. I was 1 week shy of my 17th birthday with a two week old son. My life had been turned upside down by motherhood and then we got the call. My dad was sick, very sick. My mother and my aunt Carolyn went to the hospital. I stayed home with my 2 week old son- alone and scared. </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Although the phone call Teisha received while we spoke was not quite so severe, it jolted back these memories for me. Teisha, trying to be the big sister told me not to worry. Too late, I heard it in her voice, her own worry, and I lost it. I hung up the phone and thought about those years , almost 21 years ago now, and I broke down. It took me so long to find courage to find him, he couldn't possibly be ill enough to be taken from me could he? I spoke to Diana and felt more secure but I couldn't shake the fear. Maybe, if I'm honest, I'll never lose the fear. Most people in life lose one father. By opening my heart to Brent I will someday have to lose two.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Other thoughts ran through my head. I had emailed my father the first time in June of this year. It is amazing how my relationship with him has evolved. I wrote in an earlier posting at how quickly I came to accept him and love him. Tonight I have thought about the reverse situation and tried to put myself in his place. Tried to think of him opening that email with my declaration, "I am your daughter". I thought of him sitting at his desk pouring over the words that I wrote. Remember , I had so many years to conjure up images of him in my mind. To twist scenarios of what might be if him and I met. He had the 30 seconds of time it took for him to read my email.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">For me, those first few phone conversations had me feeling good about my Dad. The meeting at my house sealed the deal. After 4 hours he left my house. Tony looked at me and said "What do you think?" I replied with honesty " I know I can love him." Tonight I thought of him driving away from house, a man with a new grown daughter and 4 grandsons. I had spent so much time thinking of my feelings about him that I never put myself in his shoes. Truthfully, now that I do I can't help but admire him more for taking us all on.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I wondered that night after our first meeting if it would be difficult for him to accept me as his daughter. He did not have 9 months to nurture me and feel me like my mother. In fact as I said, he knew nothing of me being on this earth. I thought about it from his perspecitve, a 37 year old grown daughter coming into his life with no warning. Sure, I thought after that night that we would know one another, share bits of our lives and such. But I wondered as he drove away, could he ever truely feel love for me like his other girls? With my mother, I never feared, wondered or worried about her loving me. Its as if those nine months she had with me before my birth that she had infused her love with me. I didn't have to fear. A mother does not stop loving her child because they are not with them. </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Today for me was a testament of this love. The heartache I felt thinking of anything being seriously wrong with him tells me where my heart lies. It gave me a chance to share sorrow with my sisters, not something I want, but something that bonds us together. I felt pity for myself last night, not wanting to be robbed of a father after finally opening my heart to accepting him as such. Perhaps I would have still overreacted if I'd met him 10 years ago, maybe I would not have. This regret is something I will deal with for my lifetime, hopefully in lesser quantities as time passes.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Tonight my heart rests with peace that I have a healthy father and more time to bond with him. I can not wish for any better news than this<strong>.</strong></span>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-33129476680718872482010-10-30T20:26:00.006-04:002010-11-24T22:10:28.394-05:00just an honest post, like it or not<span style="font-family:georgia;">I promised myself when I started this blog that I would be honest about my feelings surrounding finding my father. So, here goes! I don't know <em><strong>what it is about me</strong></em> right now. I think it's the let down of finishing up last weekends trip to Savannah. I just have felt kind of BLAH all day. You know that feeling? You're kind of mopey and sad but not quite sure why. One of those days where you know you should dig down deep to figure out what's going on but you just don't have the energy or courage to do it. Well, here it is.</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">On the surface, I have <em><strong>no reason</strong></em> to feel this way. I had the time of my life last weekend. Fostering relationships and being a tourist in a beautiful city (my new favorite actually). I have a wonderful trip to see the rest of my family planned for February to Maine. I had a long heartwarming talk with both my moms yesterday. I have a great husband and kids. I had fun today hanging out with Debbie and my nephew Andrew. But there it still lies.... this- <strong>something.</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">I thought calling my sister would help. It did temporarily. I called <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Teisha</span> and we had our typical fun conversations that I enjoy- and I did enjoy it! As soon as I hung up... blah. Then Andrew came with Debbie- fun, fun , fun! Then they left and again.. blah. Now I'm typing this knowing that it will help, it always does. </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Today is my Dad's birthday. My dad Brent. Its the first birthday I've been able to call him and say happy birthday. He is 61 years old. All day I've been pushing back these feelings I've had because as happy as I am to be able to say happy birthday to my father it has not got past me that I've missed a lot of years. Missed those years because of my own fears and insecurities! So, my Blah-<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">ness</span> today is directly related to being <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">genuinely PISSED at my own self. </span></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><span style="font-family:georgia;">So there it is. Regret, not blahness. Plain old ugly regret. I'm learning of late that its not good to keep things inside, secret, hidden- you choose the word to insert. I know logically that it does me <em>NO</em> good to think about what could have been but I can't help it today. And you know what? I'm going to allow myself to feel sorry for myself for tonight and hopefully when I sit down to type again I'll be back to my old self. </span></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><span style="font-family:georgia;">I wasn't going to post this one. Its a post that hurts me to my core to even write. I hope if anyone is reading this and is holding back on something out of fear that they won't!</span></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><span style="font-family:georgia;">Chalk this blog post up to me living up to my promise to myself to be honest, because this one was hard to type. </span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"></span>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-845729468588934282010-10-27T10:13:00.001-04:002010-11-24T22:10:28.395-05:00My family Tree<span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>My family tree is not just a tree</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>but a large grove with many colors</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>With mothers, fathers, and sisters galore</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>I have an abundance of joy overflowing<br /></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>I thank my birthmother for the life long gift she gave</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>of unselfish and true love</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>my parents who gave me a home and foundations for life</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>and the father who holds my heart now<br /></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>An only child no more, a life long dreamed fullfilled</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>My sisters and I have so many years in front of us</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>a brother who shares the joy of adoption</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>My husbands and sons whom I devote my life to</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"><strong>One child loved by many, who is more fortunate than I?</strong></span>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-51560601421668961562010-10-26T19:36:00.007-04:002010-11-24T22:10:28.395-05:00Georgia on my mind<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TMd1Kd6-uHI/AAAAAAAAACg/yVNHwoJAepc/s1600/2010_0427georgia0253.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532519489939093618" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TMd1Kd6-uHI/AAAAAAAAACg/yVNHwoJAepc/s200/2010_0427georgia0253.JPG" /></a><br /><div><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">We have returned from our trip to Georgia. My long anticipated weekend has passed. I fell in love with so much of the small amount of Georgia that I saw. I loved the beautiful city of Savannah with its historic buildings full of wrought iron, brick and cobblestones. The river front area with bars, restaurants and shops. The trolley's and riverboats waiting to take visitors on a tour of this gorgeous city. I enjoyed walking into little establishments, buying my drink and walking about with my family.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">We were blessed with nice weather most of the days of our trip. The sun was shining and warm as it reached into the mid 80 degrees! It felt so good to sit in the sun and soak up the warmth! At night when the weather was cool we sat in the yard around a fire. I got to meet me Aunt Erdine who is my Dad's oldest sister, along with her husband and son. We drank some, had some laughs and suprised my father with my sister Teisha.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">See, my Dad knew I was coming obviously, and he knew my sister Heidi would be there. We kept Teisha coming as a secret and an early birthday present to him. It would be the first time he would have all of his daughters together in one place. We did manage to suprise him which was fantastic! I think he may have even shed a tear (maybe it was the fire, lol) We were able to take the first of what I hope will be many family pictures together. Another first to check off my list.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">We spent Saturday visiting and touring Savannah. Tony and my sisters and I walked down river street having a blast. I couldn't ask for a better tour guide than my Dad. He is fun and has a great sense of humor. I got to know Diana more over those days and I truly enjoy her company. She is a loving woman as sweet as can be!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">Tony, Teisha and I went back to tour Savannah after Heidi had to leave. We went to eat at Paula Deen's restaurant Lady & Sons. It was beautiful inside the restaurant and the food was good. We had a great time y'all! haha. I wanted to tour the oldest Catholic church in Savannah, The Cathedral of John the Baptist. It was more beautiful than I thought with the stained glass and high ceilings. It is a site to see for sure.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">My favorite part of Georgia was the time I had with my father, sisters and family. When I got off the plane I can't tell you how I felt when I saw Heidi waiting for me too! I saw Bren't face and thought how lucky I am to have these new relationships. It is unbelievable to me how quickly I am attached to this new family. There is such a thrill to seeing him this time as opposed to the last few. I am seeing a man that I have developed a relationship with, not a stranger. When I see him , I see me in him now. I always thought I was all my mother but there are definately pieces of him in me too.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">On Monday when we were getting ready to leave, I looked at my father sitting in the chair. I thought about the dream I had the night before. It was a strange dream. I was a young girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old (in the dream I looked much like the picture of me on this blog) and I was walking with Brent holding his hand. He was a young man, and looked like a picture I had seen of him from Heidi the day before. I looked up at him and he looked down at me and smiled. It is all I remember of the dream. When I was in flight on the way home this dream came back to me. I suddenly remembered that this was the same first memory I had of my father. At his funeral I wrote about walking with him hand in hand. I've said all along my father has had a part in us meeting- for me this was just another sign that he is here with us now.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">There is so much joy for me. I am thankful for each minute I have with him. I try desperately not to think of all the time we could have had together had I just had the courage to contact him 10 years ago. I am trying to engrave every minute, every memory I can make into my mind and heart. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">So, time has gone too quickly as I knew it would. At the airport I told him as we embraced that I didn't want to let go. Teisha and I watched him walk away and shared something as sisters- a <em>need</em> for this man that is our father. It will be some time before I see him again. I got on that plane after saying goodbye to him , then my sister Teisha and cried. The visit was great but the pain of leaving is hard to explain. For a brief second I wished I hadn't come. That is how much my heart hurt. Of course that was just for a moment. The time I had was precious and is banked in my heart forever.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">Now, time will travel just so slowly until I get to see my mother. Seeing her, Heather and Jesi is my next journey and I'm sure when that time in February comes it too will pass like the speed of light. I feel oddly more connected to my mother now. Meeting the other half of me has been a hard process for her I'm sure. But, once again she wants what is best for me. Knowing Brent now may not be like knowing him in 1972 as my mother knew him but I can see what may have attracted her to him. He has an aura about him that is charming and irresistable. </span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">So, on to my next adventure. Northern Maine in February! Am I crazy? No, I wouldn't miss it for anything.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TMd1KGlqPEI/AAAAAAAAACY/9CqREvnnpvs/s1600/2010_0427georgia0195.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532519483675655234" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TMd1KGlqPEI/AAAAAAAAACY/9CqREvnnpvs/s200/2010_0427georgia0195.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"></span></div></div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-25116099941525076712010-10-12T18:11:00.001-04:002010-11-24T22:10:28.396-05:00Another prospective, from my sister Teisha...<div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">It was a lazy Sunday at the end of July when my Dad showed up at my house unexpected. The reason it was so surprising is I live in Maine and Dad lives in Georgia. He told me he was on his way up north to visit with my aunts. Dad and I went out on my back steps and sat in the sun and talked while my dogs played. Dad pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of him standing next to a women with his arm around her shoulders. Dad asked me if this women looked familiar to me. I looked at the picture and thought to myself, am I supposed to know her? Is it a cousin or someone I knew when I was young. I told Dad that I did not recognize her. He proceeded to tell me that this women was my sister Jodi and that she had just found him. He also told me that he had met her on his way up.<br /><br />The next part of the conversation was the difficult part. He told me that Jodi is two years younger than me. He also asked me what I thought. I didn't know what to think with all honesty. It was to much to injest all at once. Without getting too personal, I will just say that it brought up some personal feelings that had nothing to do with Jodi that I had not dealt with. I knew that before I could begin to make room for her in my heart I had to resolve those feelings. Partially in shock and being curious I looked at her profile picture on facebook. I must have looked at it a dozen times over the next week or so. I don't remember which one of us asked the other to be a facebook friend. We started talking on facebook and then the phone. The first time we talked on the phone we talked for about 3 hours. It was wonderful. We discovered that we were similar in so many ways and different in others.<br /><br />For the next month we wrote back and forth on facebook and talked on the phone some learning more about each other. The begining of September Jodi and I had been talking about wanting to meet in person. I was starting back to college along with working and she was busy with work and family. It seemed as though it would be quite a while before we could meet . September 4th I looked on the internet to see how long it would take to get to the town she lives in. It said it was about 5 hours. I looked at my husband and said I am going to meet my sister tomorrow. I called Jodi that night to see if she was busy the next day. She told me that the boys had games,but we could work it out. I arrived at the ball field at around noon. When I stepped out of my car and saw Jodi it was one of the most amazing moments of my life! For the first time in my life I was looking at someone who looked like me and was my sister. All my life I wanted siblings. I was absolutely thrilled when Heidi came along and when my brother was adopted. Jodi ,I want you to know you are one of the best surprises in my life. You are such a beautiful women both inside and out. You are strong and have overcome what some might have considered impossible odds. You have a wonderful husband and 4 wonderful young men! I love the fact that I am a Auntie X 5 now. I look forward to having the rest of our lives to get to know each other.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;"></span> </div><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000000;">Love your sister, Teisha</span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;"></span> </div><div><span style="color:#000000;">Below, the first day we met. sept. 4th 2010</span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;"></span> </div><div><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TLTfpgE43PI/AAAAAAAAACQ/YVUh4v0qHmg/s1600/2010_0308allstars20101072.JPG"><span style="color:#000000;"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527288546768510194" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TLTfpgE43PI/AAAAAAAAACQ/YVUh4v0qHmg/s200/2010_0308allstars20101072.JPG" /></span></a></div></div><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TLTfpgE43PI/AAAAAAAAACQ/YVUh4v0qHmg/s1600/2010_0308allstars20101072.JPG"><span style="color:#000000;"></span></a> </div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-82158669200118780652010-10-10T19:58:00.006-04:002010-11-24T22:10:28.397-05:00Reconnecting after Connecting..a little about my mom<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TLJfos5PeUI/AAAAAAAAACI/rGAKZlmkZAc/s1600/IMG_1798.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 150px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526584845587675458" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TLJfos5PeUI/AAAAAAAAACI/rGAKZlmkZAc/s200/IMG_1798.JPG" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="color:#000000;">Birth mother, biological mother, Pat- whatever label you want to put upon her for me she is just my mother. When I found her in 1997 I was ecstatic. At the time she lived in NJ, just a short ride from my house here in CT. It was fairly easy for us to keep in touch. We were able to hop in the car and travel to and from each of our homes. When she and her husband (and subsequently my sister Jesika) left NJ and moved back to northern Maine it became a problem logistically.<br /><br /><br />See, whenever I say my family lives in Maine I think people picture a 4 or 5 hour car ride and the Maine most of them travel to. Coastal Maine towns of Oqunquit, Portland or even Bar Harbor. My Maine is in the northern reaches of the state. Many of the towns just miles from the Canadian border. This is where my family is from. This is where Brent and Pat grew up , and where my father Relland lived until his move to CT in the late 1960's. This equals a 10 hour drive. Not easy to do in a long weekend, which poses the problem of how often I can visit.<br /><br />If you haven't been to this area of Maine then you are missing out on some of the most beautiful countryside. There are rolling hills with fields of potatoes, broccoli and even mustard. There are views for miles and miles. The many small towns that make up Aroostook County are full of some of the nicest people I've come across. If you like winter activities than this is a great spot for you!<br /><br /><br />I haven't seen my mother in 3 years. I went to visit my sisters in November of 2008 when my sister Jesika (2 years younger than me) had her fourth child. I stayed for 4 days and travelled with my friend Kelly. We stayed with my youngest sister (from Pat) Heather. At the time my mother was living in Arkansas and I missed visiting with her by a few months (she returned in early 2009 to northern Maine). I had also not been vigilant about keeping in touch with her by phone. I would always think of her and my sisters but did not make enough time to call them. We started to lose track of one another and months went by. Heather and I have been good about keeping in touch, we are both online and use Facebook so that helps tremendously.<br /><br />After I decided to find Brent and had contacted him I called my mother to tell her the news. I was nervous about how she would react. I did not expect her to be angry, but I anticipated that bringing up the past could be difficult for her. It must have been a tough place to be in to be a pregnant teen about to deliver and have to give your child up for adoption. I know, I was that pregnant teen too. And, although I did not choose adoption, I know first hand the fear you feel when you are in that situation.<br /><br /><br />When I told her the news that I spoke to Brent and had met him she asked me if he had been nice to me. I reveled in the fact that I broke the news that I met my birthfather, someone she had once cared for enough to have a child with, someone she hadn't spoke to since before my birth, and the first thought was how he had treated me. It amazes me still that I was her first concern. It is the true sign of being a mother, to think of your child first. Although she did not get the opportunity to raise me, she had my best welfare in mind then and now. As a mother myself I found this so touching.<br /><br />Here's some background- Brent did not know she was having me. Those who knew she was pregnant (most - even her sister) did not know who my father was. Why? You'd have to ask my mother those questions. Protection maybe? Selflessness - definitely. I think of her often, having a baby at just 17 (I was 2 weeks before my 17th birthday having Tom), knowing she couldn't keep me, not telling my father, knowing it would be years if ever if she would meet me. I have never felt anger towards her as I believe she once feared I would. I have always felt she was brave, strong, and exhibited the most purest form of love for me. That she exchanged her own sadness for my happiness is something she should be commended for.<br /><br />And so, in finding Brent and getting to know him as my father I find that I am reconnecting once again with my mother. Secrets are not something to hold, instead they seem to take a hold of the people protecting them. Now, there is no more to hold anyone back.<br /><br />My mother is now on Facebook and we have been keeping in touch through the computer. It makes it so much easier to know what is happening in a person's life when you can easily shoot off an email, post on facebook, or send an instant message.<br /><br />Facebook helped me find my father and now its leading me back to my mom too</span></span>.</div>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-51084316669504383942010-10-08T19:20:00.006-04:002010-11-24T22:10:28.397-05:0014 Days Feel Like Forever<span style="color:#000099;"><strong>Two weeks</strong>. It's not an extraordinary amount of time. Unless or course you are waiting for something or someone special. I remember waiting the last two weeks before my wedding. Excitement was in the air! Or, how about those weeks before your babies are born. That can feel like forever!!</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#000099;">In two weeks Tony and I will board a plane for a four day weekend by ourselves. Just him and I! Oh , I love my kids, believe me... but I can't wait to have some time for just the two of us. If it was just for the fact of our weekend alone it would be one thing. Add in the excitement of meeting with my newest family members and the time <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">stretches</span> on forever.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#000099;">In two weeks I will have <em><strong>four days</strong></em> with my father. Four more days that I can learn about him and what he has been doing for the last 37 years. It's not a lot of time for sure, but those four days that are coming to me this October mean the world to me. Imagine if you can the emotions that I feel! The nervousness of our first meeting has subsided. Our second meeting, well it was all too fast. Our third meeting- wonderful!! That was the first visit I had with him that I knew I was his daughter (officially from the DNA). We could both relax and put the thought of "what <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">ifs"</span> away. Now, I get to spend four days enjoying him without the pressure.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#000099;">I've come so far since I first emailed him back in June. I've come to accept the fact that I <em><strong>can</strong> </em>love him as my father without it being a betrayal to my Dad who has since passed on. Or, that I am somehow slighting my mothers (both of them!) whom I love so much. I have let go of all the guilt I've felt about allowing him that spot in my heart. If you've lost someone you love, you know that it leaves an aching hole in your gut. Its been 5 1/2 years since I lost my father. I think he'd be happy for me that the gap is closing.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#000099;">A few weeks ago at the end of a particularly great conversation I had with him on the phone, he said I love you. I said it right back to him without hesitation. I hung up the phone and tears ran down my cheeks for the next half hour. I was caught off guard by my emotions and said what was in my heart without thought. I cried at the realization of the truth- I do love him. It's been a long time since I've had a father to say I love you. I'm blessed that I can hear those words again.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#000099;">So, my 37<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">th</span> year has been a year of growing in so many ways. My family is growing to great extents!! My heart is bursting with love and joy! I can't thank Brent- I mean my father, enough for opening his heart and world to me. I guess you're never to old for your parents...</span><br /><span style="color:#000099;"></span><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5525827165192226834" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zO7FRtklrvw/TK-uh5d8iBI/AAAAAAAAACA/fNn-ZOG3nZQ/s200/2010_0308allstars20100549.JPG" />~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-635113040053290554.post-84655898879726970042010-09-26T18:48:00.003-04:002010-11-24T22:10:28.398-05:00Small things equal large amounts of joy<span style="color:#993399;"><strong>Small things really matter. I'm learning in this 37<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">th</span> year of my life how very much that is the truth. This has been a year for growing and for change. This is a year of discovery. </strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>I've learned to appreciate the moments of joy I have throughout the day. Little things that make you smile and happy. Maybe its my 13 year old taking the time to speak one on one with me and making me smile. It could be the 5 minutes in the car driving my 15 year old to school - 5 minutes he has to tell me anything he wants while I have his full attention. It could be watching their baseball games and feeling the joy of that good hit, great pitch, or awesome play in the field.</strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>What I'm working on now is extending that gratefulness to more parts of my day. Taking the joy I have in the small things and making it last for hours. Trying to take negativity and throw it out the door (and leave it there!). This is a challenge for me but I'm willing to take the time to work on it. It's easy to get sucked in to the gossip, self pity, or negative thoughts but I plan on fighting them all the way!</strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>A few of those "small things" I've been blessed to experience lately are listed below. What's next? Who knows! I do believe you attract what you put out into the world. I believe in the idea of attraction or Karma. I'm working hard each day to grow and be the best me I can be.</strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>This months happy small things:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>watching my boys play their favorite sport- baseball.</strong></span></li><li><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>seeing my sons work hard in school and succeeding</strong></span></li><li><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>watching my husbands face radiate with joy while he is on the field with me son. </strong></span></li><li><span style="color:#993399;"><strong><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Jarett</span> reading more and liking it!</strong></span></li><li><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>my Dad Brent's email - one line- asking how his girls are and realizing- I'm his girl now too!</strong></span></li><li><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>having a father say i love you again. I miss my dad terribly and hearing this again is a gift from him in Heaven. </strong></span></li></ul><p><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>Find your small things and revel in them- let them expand into big things. I'm going to try to do the same thing for me!</strong></span></p><span style="color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span>~*~ Jodi ~*~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07631988714528135566noreply@blogger.com0