Monday, January 23, 2012

The wait to see my mother is on, please let the Maine weather cooperate!

I'm always looking for my next adventure -something I can look forward to.  Especially in  this time of year when the weather is cold, the days are short, and i'm feeling a bit of cabin fever.  My next trek will be to the southern part of Maine where I will meet some family for my birthday.  Please Maine winter storms, cooperate with me at the end of March!

It struck me the other day that neither my mother or I have spent a birthday together since we have known one another.  We both have winter birthdays and it can be difficult to travel.  I take that back, the last birthday we had was the day I was born.  I want more than anything to give her a memory of my birthday that does not relate to sadness. I'm hoping March will change that all together.

I've spoke about my mother often in my writings.  As many of the people that read this are mothers and fathers I feel particularly that you all understand the great love and admiration that I have for her. A large portion of this is due to the fact that I was fortunate enough to have had adoptive parents who had been given small details about my mother and who were kind of enough to pass them on to me.

Age 10, all smiles and freckles
I remember being about 10 years old and asking my parents more specific questions about my birth parents.  Although they had no information regarding my father, my mother spoke of my mother (Pat) with tears in her eyes.  She told me all that she knew, that she was not in a position to keep me and that she had desperately tried to find a way to do just that.   I was told of her young age and that her mother, my maternal grandmother, had passed away and so no motherly figure was there to help her with me.   They gave me the real perspective of my mothers situation. My parents made me understand at an early age that this mother I hadn't met was the first great love in my life.  What I realized as I got  older  is that my parents gave a gift to me that was priceless.

Many adoptees grow up with questions and uncertainties.  Of course I was inquisitive about my situation but I was lucky enough to have these basic details about my mother.  I grew up having a mother and father in my everyday life and also this sort of dream mother too.  I thought of her all the time and she was kind of like a living angel to me.  Many days I would think of her and wonder what her life was like.  My parents gave me such a wonderful sense of her that I loved her for as long I can remember.

My only regrets about my particular adoption are that I wish in 1973 there would have been some provision for my mother to learn about me.  Open adoptions can be tricky and controversial but I believe a mother should at least be given some information regarding their child.  Perhaps through a third party or agency.  All those years I knew I was fine, but even as I child I loved her enough to worry about her.  It's funny how a child can think.  

You will here me use the words hero, brave, amazing, and selfless when I speak about my mother.  She was all of those things and more.  These are not fluffy words and phrases I speak to dramatize the situation.  These words do not even due justice to how I feel about her.  Her love and sacrifices and my parent's love and devotion provided a wonderful childhood for me.  For all of my parents I am grateful.

So, I am hoping the weather will cooperate with us this year.  I pray to see her on my birthday, take some happy photo's and add to my memories.  My sisters may be coming too.  What joy I would have to see any of them!  

This may be my last birthday to celebrate too, since I plan on staying 39 for the rest of my life!

mom and I about the same age

 My beautiful mother today
so pretty - high school picture

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