A weekend is coming to an end. A long weekend at that. I hate to see it end! It was full of sunshine and happy moments.
Happiness for me is the time I spend with my family. This Memorial day weekend I spent some precious time with my sister in law , brother in law and my darling nephew Andrew. This weekend also included a long overdue visit with one of my newest sisters, Teisha. I was lucky to have a few days with her visiting me from her home state of Maine. I met her husband for the first time and can see why she loves him. It is apparent that he is truly the love of her life and a pillar of strength for her, as my Tony is for me.
We shared time together doing ordinary things which seem extraordinary in some ways just because i'm sharing them with her! A baseball game watching Jarett hit homerun #3 (yay JT!) , a cookout in my yard, looking at pictures, talking about our father. A year ago today none of this would have seemed possible!! She never even knew I was her sister last year. It's crazy and blows my mind just thinking that. In 11 months I gained two sisters, one brother, two nephews, four nieces, a sweet southern step mother, and my second father. Wow!
I suprised myself this afternoon as my sister went to leave me. No tears ran down my cheeks, I didn't even choke them back. (If you know me at all this is shocking!) Of course I didn't want to see her go! I'm just as emotional as I always have been, it's my perspective that is slightly skewed now. I found so much joy in just being with her that I couldn't waste that joy on the sadness of her leaving. I'm not sure I'm even exspressing my thoughts in words the way I feel them. I can't think of any other way to write it down.
All day long I waited to call my father. I had just spoken with him in the morning but I could not wait to speak with him again to share this happiness I felt. For all the years I waited to find this other family, it was always my dear sisters I was afraid to hurt with the knowledge of me. It is these two sweet sisters that accepted me without hesitation, just as Jesi and Heather did for me many years ago. It is amazing for me to have three seperate but now shared loving families!
I guess truly the only sadness of today comes in just the desire to be with those I cannot. It is the strange side effect of the bliss of being with family that always creeps in at me. As much as I loved being with Teisha, I can not help but want to have all the rest of those I miss be here with me also. Teisha and I together both felt the missing link of Heidi and our father. It was apparent in the conversations we had this weekend that they seemed to revolve the center of our thoughts.
For me, her leaving was did not cause sadness because we are connected. We have seen each other now and that will hold me for a bit. (along with the hours of phones calls!) It is the sorrow of missing the others that caused the little catch in my throat and puts the tear in my eye as I type this. The hope of seeing my other sisters and really the need to be with my mother. Those times too will come, but with me being impatient it is hard to wait. I suppose when you wait a lifetime, or in reality 24 years or 37 years as I did, its hard to make yourself wait again.
I'm looking forward to the next visit coming, when my father will visit me in July. Soon, I will see my mother also. Then, my heart will be full. Until those days I am thankful for all that I have now and I try to wait patiently.
If only my Dad could be here while all this happening, that would be the icing on the sweet cupcake!
Happiness for me is the time I spend with my family. This Memorial day weekend I spent some precious time with my sister in law , brother in law and my darling nephew Andrew. This weekend also included a long overdue visit with one of my newest sisters, Teisha. I was lucky to have a few days with her visiting me from her home state of Maine. I met her husband for the first time and can see why she loves him. It is apparent that he is truly the love of her life and a pillar of strength for her, as my Tony is for me.
We shared time together doing ordinary things which seem extraordinary in some ways just because i'm sharing them with her! A baseball game watching Jarett hit homerun #3 (yay JT!) , a cookout in my yard, looking at pictures, talking about our father. A year ago today none of this would have seemed possible!! She never even knew I was her sister last year. It's crazy and blows my mind just thinking that. In 11 months I gained two sisters, one brother, two nephews, four nieces, a sweet southern step mother, and my second father. Wow!
I suprised myself this afternoon as my sister went to leave me. No tears ran down my cheeks, I didn't even choke them back. (If you know me at all this is shocking!) Of course I didn't want to see her go! I'm just as emotional as I always have been, it's my perspective that is slightly skewed now. I found so much joy in just being with her that I couldn't waste that joy on the sadness of her leaving. I'm not sure I'm even exspressing my thoughts in words the way I feel them. I can't think of any other way to write it down.
All day long I waited to call my father. I had just spoken with him in the morning but I could not wait to speak with him again to share this happiness I felt. For all the years I waited to find this other family, it was always my dear sisters I was afraid to hurt with the knowledge of me. It is these two sweet sisters that accepted me without hesitation, just as Jesi and Heather did for me many years ago. It is amazing for me to have three seperate but now shared loving families!
I guess truly the only sadness of today comes in just the desire to be with those I cannot. It is the strange side effect of the bliss of being with family that always creeps in at me. As much as I loved being with Teisha, I can not help but want to have all the rest of those I miss be here with me also. Teisha and I together both felt the missing link of Heidi and our father. It was apparent in the conversations we had this weekend that they seemed to revolve the center of our thoughts.
For me, her leaving was did not cause sadness because we are connected. We have seen each other now and that will hold me for a bit. (along with the hours of phones calls!) It is the sorrow of missing the others that caused the little catch in my throat and puts the tear in my eye as I type this. The hope of seeing my other sisters and really the need to be with my mother. Those times too will come, but with me being impatient it is hard to wait. I suppose when you wait a lifetime, or in reality 24 years or 37 years as I did, its hard to make yourself wait again.
I'm looking forward to the next visit coming, when my father will visit me in July. Soon, I will see my mother also. Then, my heart will be full. Until those days I am thankful for all that I have now and I try to wait patiently.
If only my Dad could be here while all this happening, that would be the icing on the sweet cupcake!
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| My sister Teisha and I - May 28, 2011 age 38 and 40 |
